Steven Edward Carpenter - born  June 24th, 1961 in Memphis TN.  Metaphysician, MRI Technologist, and amateur photographer. 

"I am a spiritual being having a human experience". 

The Story of my gender life

By no means is this a complete story, it is meant to paint a picture of my gender experiences and flow chronologically as much as possible.  All but the last picture date from 2000-2005.

            

           

                

         

 Spiritual Traveler       This 1990 pic clearly shows Breast development as do many of my pics, since this has been a part of me all my life, except a few years in high school where I was very skinny from sports.

My adult life has been better than my childhood, but only because I am more aware now. Of course it has taken me a while and a few tries, but I am getting there. After I failed out of college at Tulane University and was totally fed up with college sports, I came back to Tennessee and went to work. First at a retail store and then I started working for my Mom at her Clock shop. This is about the time that I decided to go to Radiology school, but was a little too late and had to wait a year, and while I was waiting I met my first wife to be. She was a junior in high school and so very pretty. But what really got me is she had a 4.0 grade average and she wanted to be a doctor! I had just failed out of pre-med at Tulane so somehow I was going to experience it through her, and I did. Ten years later we parted ways and never saw one another again. She was my first real Love. We got married as soon as she graduated high school and we both went to work and school at the same time. We were busy and things worked out, till her Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and died nine months later. Our relationship changed after that. The loss was very hard for her and it showed in our relationship. When things were good I did not desire to dress, but in stressful times I would. When she was in medical school, I did not see her much and got back into dressing more. I even tried to wear lipstick with her a few times in bed, which went over like a lead balloon. I remember one night, we had a disagreement about it and I took my makeup and went for a drive. I threw it out the window doing 60mph down the highway, and cursed the make-up like it was at fault. My frustration had built to a point of desperation and I did not return that night till very late and much reasoning with myself that my living was meant to be. Suicide is the first thing that comes to the desperate mind, some people project this desperation onto others and commit murder, but some like me are able to reason it away. Oh there are some who do not, like three of my friends in high school who were not so good at talking themselves out of doing silly things. I got good at denying to myself that I was really a woman. I would not even dress up anymore, but occasionally I would “borrow” her lipstick and masturbate like I had done since puberty. As my fantasy’s grew I was sometimes with a woman and sometimes a man, but I was always a woman too. My taste in partner’s has changed some over the years. It used to be pretty women only and then either a strong woman or a feminine man. One strange memory of mine is when my buddy was looking at a playboy magazine and I was not excited like he was. So I wondered if I would be aroused by a man, and got a playgirl magazine. Again no excitement. It was not till I saw the movie Rocky Horror Picture Show that I figured out, but would not accept, that I was a transvestite. The movie Tootsie also freaked me out. I felt that by watching that movie people would know that I was a cross-dressing transvestite. I had so much guilt stored up over this that I had a peptic ulcer while in x-ray school that almost killed me and spent a whole week in the hospital. They told me if I had waited another day I would be dead because my bowel was almost perforated and the location was right over a major artery. Medicine did the trick though and I was doing well again till after my divorce with my 1st wife. When the time was right I made my move to a new place in all respects, the desert. It was very healing, and it took me several years to get over my 1st wife. Even though I needed to move on, it was very hard for me to let go. When I did the joy quickly returned and life was full of hope again, but I was still in a denial about my cross-dressing and gender identity. The next few years were spent sorting my life out and getting it back on track. I had two roommates while there. The first roommate was my first experience with having Loving feelings toward a man. I would dream of us making love together, but did not tell him or anyone else till now. He got married to a nice girl and he move away. After a few years I lost touch with him.

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