06-03-2011 9:29:00 PM PST

I have some inner thoughts to share this evening, so I will jump right in. I would like to believe that what others think of me does not matter, however the reality is in order to function in life it matters very much what they think about you. The trick is that they are picking up their thoughts from YOU. What I think/and how I act is determining their re-action.

As a MtoF I have always been feminine, however I was taught to be masculine, so now I have to start all over, unlearn all the mis-information and re-learn my natural self. For instance I clearly remember getting upset when I discovered that women button their blouse left handed and men do it right handed. I have learned to be right handed, but I am naturally left handed. The result is ambidextrous or is that androgynous...
Society is so inept at teaching relationships.  The really important aspects of life you have to learn on your own. Now I have to unlearn it all and start over! I find old habits popping up all the time and the thought of dating a man is exciting but in reality I am too scared to without them knowing my secret! This is absurd, but it is the way it is for now. Does this make me homophobic? 
My one relationship with a man was great for one night. I wish it could have been more, but I realize I am not prepared for a long term relationship of any type. The problem is I don't have a clear image of who I am and what the relationship would look like. The heterosexual relationship stereotype is sold at very street corner and in back alley's too. I just don't feel like I fit that stereotype whether I am with a man, woman, or TG. This means I have to make it up as I go and in order to do this I have to break down my old habits and beliefs. I must throw everything I know out the window and begin again. Doing this at 50 is quite the challenge! 
I now accept that I asked for this, even though I could have done it at 17… I trust that all is unfolding as it needs to. I was not ready then and probably would not have survived… 
I had the thought today, what if I stayed as god made me and just lived how I desired? I am basically doing that now. It would mean no more pretense that I am female. It would mean being a male woman and not hiding it. If the form says, what is your sex = Male or if it says what is your gender = Woman/female. 
Is society ready for this? More importantly am I? I like who I am now! I don't want to feel ashamed of it! How do I relate to men? Women are pretty easy, I am just one of them, … most of the time. I like being treated as a woman, so I will simply be honest with whomever dates me. I am a woman with male parts… The world needs more men who can appreciate women such as myself. Maybe the answer is being with another trans person, so far I have not met the right one. If I am with a woman (either MtoF or cisgender) then I expect them to act like one!! If I want to be with a man I will find one! 


05-26-2011 12:16:05 PM PST


The trip from CA went very smoothly even though the plane was 30 mins late arriving.  My apologies to Deb for making her wait.  Now that I am back in Denver I am re-assessing my life, its direction and what is next for me.  I made some big changes on the website by making all material free of charge.  I am a neutral kind of girl anyway ;-) 

I hope you will explore the website and make suggestions for its improvement.  I care deeply for others and this is my way of communicating my Love.  My chatting skills are generally good, however I am not so good at getting them going or in getting out and meeting new people.  When you meet me, I love hugs, although I tend to be reserved, letting others take the initiative.  This is just my passive nature. 

In regard to the changes on the website you will find this statement; In keeping with my vow to move beyond the current economic model (see the Transitions Blog), I offer all materials on this website at no charge. It still costs me though, and if you would like to donate please use the link to the left, Love Offerings.  I remain focused on a Love Based Economy that is resource based and fueled through gifting.  My life is lived on Charity now, although I still give in all ways that I am able to.  I still work for money on occasion, however each attempt I make at getting a "job" my soul lets me know that my journey is in facilitating the shift of our present failing economic model to one without money. 

I enjoy technology or as I affectionately call them, "eToys", as much or more than the next person, and I have what I need, always and all ways.  The attachment on anything material is now gone.  I only have what I need, nothing more and that is the way I want it.  I also understand that Joy in this world is often attached to material objects, so I enjoy them too!  I am simply not attached.  Like the waves on the beach I am bathed in Joy regularly.   I intend my path is revealing itself with the resources to make it so.  Blessed Be


05-18-2011 11:19:28 AM PST

Life is good!  Presently  I am in Penn Valley, CA till May 25th when I fly back to Denver.  The trip to Phoenix was not necessary, so for now that is not happening.  I just applied at the UofP in Phoenix so maybe I will get to work for my favorite University.  I will be applying in Denver also, once I return.  My goal is to find work in education.  I have had several people tell me to pursue re-instatement of my ARRT license and when I looked into it or when I even think about it I feel sick.  That path is done!  It is time to move on folks and there is no looking back. 

I still dream of my ex, but with her husband too.  I see all three of us together someday soon.  I hope it is not at a funeral.  We must still have some issues to work out.  It is her dream to move to FL, so I will be looking into that as well.  I really do not wish to stay in Denver long term.  Cali is nice, but does not agree with me - too cold and just does not feel right.   I love AZ and said I would die there, so we will see.  Right now I long for the desert.  To drive down a dirt road in a truck going nowhere in particular, just being free and wild.  Accepting the gifts I find along the way.  Photographing the beauty and making the impossible, possible. 


05-10-2011 9:53:51 AM PST

I must be honest, if I had felt comfortable wearing dresses, skirts and makeup as a man I may not have transitioned.  It is ironic that I find no guidance from my sexual orientation.  I am attracted to everyone and can only hope this is the Love of God flowing through me.  Sex holds no attraction to me any longer.  What I long for is a physical relationship where we cuddle, hold hands, and kiss often.  The intimate act I will take or leave.  I will do my best to pleasure my partner as they need and guide me.  To me it is about sharing your inner Joy - the Love of God.  This is why I transitioned!  I am the Love I seek.  By being the person I feel myself to be, I trust that you will do so also.  To thine own self be True.

The trip to CA begins Thurs, 12th.  I take Bonnie's truck and belongings home to her.  I plan on staying there for a few weeks and if need be I will be traveling to Phoenix to help her family out with more packing and moving.  Life changes and we need to be flexible and responsive to these changes.  It is an honor to assist others in there transition.  Holy Spirit is with me always and all ways!  As is Holy Spirit with you too! 


04-18-2011 7:49:35 AM PST

The lastest plan is to move this week and then stay for two more weeks to unpack and get organized before I head back to CA.  I will stay in CA for a few weeks or until Bonnie has what she needs done.  I will then fly back to Denver and stay with Deborah till I can get out on my own.  I will be pursuing paid employment on my return to Denver.  This way I can stay open to the abundance the Universe has to offer and I can be of service.  My greatest goal now is to be of service to others which I do through the ministry and my personal efforts.  There is no greater "JOB" in the world than service.  The only difference is the form in which you choose to serve.  It usually ends up being what you need most!  Give what you need ;-)


04-12-2011 8:55:21 PM PST

Here I sit on the third floor of Deborah's home in Conifer, Co.  Things are going very well.  I have been working very hard cleaning and packing these past 12 days.  It feels good to be back in the Denver area.  It just feels good here, beyond that I cannot say.  I know I am making an impact here and that makes me feel good.  Deborah is an impressive lady in many ways, so I know I am right where I need to be.  I have a few more weeks here and then back to CA for a while.  It feels like I will be returning here to Denver after I have Bonnie all situated.  It seems I am becoming a moving specialist, lol.  Lord knows I have enough experience. 

Transition is going well, I am now on the reduced dose of Spiro (100mg) and Finesteride (5mg).  This seems to be working out very well, my bowels are working again and the T is still suppressed.  It will help in the hair department too.  The estrogen stays the same for now (6mg daily) .  I am feeling pretty in many ways, pretty looking, pretty good, pretty happy, LOL.




03-28-2011 9:45:00 PM PST


Cold hard reality struck hard today as I reviewed my student loan, a total of 33K.  Depression set in and once again I had to meditate for an hour to get my energy back up.  What I understand is that courage is facing your fear and moving through it, not avoiding it or attempting to get around it.  Fear in this world exists, and is a vital part of the illusion.  One of the greatest challenges we all face is learning to use fear to the positive when it is inherently negative. 

So whats a big deal about 33k?  Normally it would not be a big deal, I remember working with doctors who had 300k of student debt as they started their careers, but then I am not them....  A big difference!  The big advantage I have is that I no longer buy into the "rat race" or "keeping up with the Jones".  For a short while I did and I am so glad I moved beyond that.  I also know that I have deeply ingrained beliefs I inherited from my parents and them from theirs.  Scarcity mindedness is a dis-ease that afflicts many if not most people the world over. 

I do my best to embrace Abundance mindedness and the largest hurdle is my self worth, especially now that I have transitioned.  I no longer have male priveledge supporting me, or even a partner.  I do have many that love me and this is how I live today, God Bless them!  I know that somehow the loan will be paid, so life goes on.  Until society embraces the idea of a cashless society, I will continue to pray for my value to be realized by someone besides a few loving friends.  I continue with my ministry because this sings to my soul!  I do it for me and if it helps others then great. 


03-25-2011 9:44:44 AM PST


Everywhere I go, there I am.  My challenge now is that I have no desire to participate in society at this level any longer.  I am stuck between levels it feels and is a bit uncomfortable.  Nothing I can't handle, I am just sayin' that this sorta feels like netherworld.  The connection I feel to source is wonderful and it sustains me daily now.  The connection seems to fade in and out like waves on the beach.  Maybe this is the breath of God that I feel....
I am back on the Spironolactone again till my new meds arrive.  The feeling of the male anatomy enlarging and a spontaneous ejaculation is more than enough reason for me to get back on it. I feel like my system is balanced again too. 
This world is so conflicted. Beautiful and yet so fragile, resilient and yet sublime. The only way I can handle living any longer is to focus on my dream of an evolved Loving society. I had a vision last night in a half awakened state that I had died before and those who knew me at that level are mourning my passing, yet at this level I am alive and strong. 
I think of it as a field of pools, each pool being a level of consciousness or awareness. When you die, you move from one pool to another. This is a final move, but I also think it is possible to move between pools while in the dream state, temporarily. This explains remote viewing, past life visions, OBE, NDE, and other psychic phenomena. I also had the experience of feeling the bubble I occupy very clearly a while back. My space is a bubble in the pool, and each person's bubble interacts to varying degrees. A large gathering of people would be like sea foam washed up on the beach… 
My search for the next pool (Love Based Society) continues, I feel my time here is done. All is as it needs to be ;-)


03-17-2011 10:47:40 AM PST

Made a big decision today.  I will no longer be taking spironolactone because of the side effects.  My system is all messed up and I must balance myself out.  I will continue to take estrogen and will be looking into getting an alternative to the spiro, maybe finasteride.  The orchi is still in the works too, although I am not sure how I can get that at this time. 

A big part of this journey is learning to accept yourself as you are, when this is done internally it is experienced externally.  The key to all this is to listen to your heart and if it feels right then it probably is.  Inside I am smiling ;-)



03-14-2011 3:03:07 PM PST


Updating the surgery, GRS is now on hold and I am visualizing ways to at least get the orchiectomy.  I feel sad, but at the same time I feel all is right.  In a way I don't feel worthy to be a woman.  I was born this way for a reason and I must embrace it.  Maybe I am to live on the fringe since it seems my entire family is a little bonkers.  LOL 

A perfect example of "life is not fair".  Thousand of people have died in Japan and here I am safe and sound.  I deserve to die as much or more than any those wonderful people!  I am ready.  I have lived a successful life.  The earth is headed to a rebirth despite what appears to be happening now.  This is part of the plan - emptying our cup!  That which no longer serves us will fall away, this is the prophecy.  I am still here because in some way I still have service to provide.  It looks as though it will be done with parts I was given at birth, unless I remove them myself. 

Money the great motivator!  Yeah right, LOL.  It has never motivated me in the slightest.  My mind is searching for ways to live without money.  I am doing well so far.  The issue of surgery is the only thing outstanding at this point.  Simplicity is the path I choose.  In almost every way I am the person I believe myself to be right now.  I love the way I look, and for the most part the way I feel.  It is just that organ between my legs... it is like a tumor, abnormal tissue growth.  I am so close - yet so far. 

Why am I so stubborn?  Part of me is not supporting the other.  I am not working because I don't want to work, at least in a traditional sense.  I know if I get the money, I will get the surgery, and I keep blocking my own path!  Please help me get out of my own way!!


03-02-2011 1:20:40 PM PST

I am planning on the orchi at this point and now only need to get the funds to do so.  Not sure how I will do that or how I will repay the loan for the Masters Degree.  Not too concerned about it since the US gov. has trillions in debt mostly from the military.  I frankly dont see the US recovering from this one.  I would really like the many governments around the world to come together and dissolve all debt and remove the borders between countries.  As long as the mainstream is more concerned about themselves and resistant to this view it will not happen for them.  We are so close I can feel it! 

I wish that people could see and experience what I am teaching.  The feeling of Love shared in simple touch can be very fulfilling and can lead to sexual gratification without actually having intercourse.  Sex is not necessary, although I will not deny that it can be one path to God.  It is the easy road, but has many potholes and can be dangerous.  Love is the best path to God, because it is more direct.  God is Love, so being Loving is being God!  This is the path I have chosen and I feel good about my progress.  I give deep thanks to those who have assisted my journey. To name a few, Juanita, Angelica, Mary, Ken, Michael, David, Linda, Kriss, and many more....  Thank YOU.  If you were/are in any way connected to my life, I give you thanks!  Those who hate us are sometimes the greatest help.  (not that I am asking for help)  


02-27-2011 12:09:57 AM PST

Father, Mother, Divine Spirit, thank you for Loving, Supporting, and Protecting me over the past 18,144 days!  I look forward to many more days on this planet and am grateful that each will be filled with your Glory!  The light shines on us all ;-) 

The last few weeks have been very good here in Penn Valley, CA.  I am house cleaning, painting and doing general work around the house as I see fit and to the desires of the owner.  The agreement is working out wonderfully.  I get to be a Mom, sort of and do what I have learned so well from my birth Mother.  I also am enjoying helping others with inspiring words and loving actions online.  Facebook has become my daily ritual, lol.

My focus has been on a Love Based Economy which has been percolating in my mind for at least 20yrs.  I see it manifesting around me in small ways.  As I focus it will grow!  Oneness is key to this economy as are all my teachings as I have posted on the website. 

My transgender status is feeling very comfortable now and I am not sure I even care about the surgery any more.  I release my desires to Holy Spirit and ask that whatever is in the Highest and Best Good occur.  I am thinking an orchi will stop the T and allow the E to keep me in balance.  At some point I will be free of any chemical support, taking in only nourishing food!  May my Spirit be free to show me the way ;-)


02-20-2011 10:22:06 PM PST

I posted a blog and then erased it.  Since this is a public blog I decided it was not appropriate.  No worries you did not miss out on anything.  Just some babbling about neutering dogs and my surgery date coming up.  I have decided to forgo the SRS and simply get an orchiectomy.  My goal at this point is to get off the anti-androgen, and simply take estrogen.  The less drugs the better. 

My body is my Temple...


02-14-2011 11:03:43 PM PST


It is funny how I write messages here when I am feeling down, I suppose it cheers me up to get these thoughts off my mind.  I have all that I have asked for and believed in.  The big leap I plan on making this year is to have surgery so I can stop taking these meds.  I really prefer not taking any meds at all and I am doing very well at balancing my life without the use of drugs.  (any pharmaceutical is a drug).   I like my body now and would like it better if I could wear pants without a bulge.  I know that most of this is in my head, but I still have these thoughts of inadequacy and worthlessness.  The harder I try the harder it gets!  The paradox is I am happy with the life I have, but I feel guilty for having what I want.  Please forgive these foolish thoughts….


02-14-2011 11:02:41 PM PST

It is funny how I write messages here when I am feeling down, I suppose it cheers me up to get these thoughts off my mind.  I have all that I have asked for and believed in.  The big leap I plan on making this year is to have surgery so I can stop taking these meds.  I really prefer not taking any meds at all and I am doing very well at balancing my life without the use of drugs.  (any pharmaceutical is a drug).   I like my body now and would like it better if I could wear pants without a bulge.  I know that most of this is in my head, but I still have these thoughts of inadequacy and worthlessness.  The harder I try the harder it gets!  The paradox is I am happy with the life I have, but I feel guilty for having what I want.  Please forgive these foolish thoughts….


02-07-2011 11:09:52 AM PST

I saw the gateway this morning during meditation and had a dream earlier that I was unworthy of crossing the Golden Gateway.  This is the bridgeway to higher (frequency) existance and has nothing to do with anything of the 3rd dimension.   I think this was a significant dream that relates back to my childhood feelings.  These are feelings I have not dealt with as yet, however I am in the process of doing it now.  My heart feels lighter today because my sight is deeper.  It is so important to embrace the Love that you feel and not be shamed of it because it does not comform to society or what you believe is expected of you.  Sex is an expression of God's Love and nothing more or less.  Ego mind gets a hold of it and distorts it for selfish reasons.  If you are not getting enough Love, it means you are not GIVING enough!!!  I see this so clearly now :-)


02-02-2011 11:39:10 AM PST

I have now relocated to Penn Valley or Lake Wildwood, CA.  My friend Bonnie has offered her space to me and I have agreed to help around the house, finish some painting and remodeling work.  I think this will work out fabulously.  I continue with my ministry and am looking for ways to bring in income online.  The eBook is one avenue and I am open to donations.  If you feel it in your heart and pocket book to make a donation, it is greatly appreciated.  So far my applications for employment are turning up nil.  Truth be known if money was not required to live in society today I doubt many people would be doing the work they are now doing.  I am doing exactly what I love to do and feel that I am bringing value to the world.  Look for new educational additions to the website soon.

Society is dangerously straying down a path of no return.  I can see that and have taken action to protect myself and at the same time shout this message to as many as who will listen.  This movie explains it all very nicely.  Just be prepared with 2:41 hrs of your attention.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z9WVZddH9w

The solutions they offer are indeed intriguing and quite possibly the best solution to our dilemma.  The scary part will be getting to the point where the world is ready for this.  In order to do this, we must empty our cup, meaning completely dismantle the entire economic system in the world today.  This probably means forgoing all governments and creating a system that puts individuals in control of their own life.  It means following the souls guidance and putting no one in authority.  It means having Faith in your fellow man/woman, and it means following the Golden rule - Do onto others as you would have done onto you. 



01-21-2011 11:47:23 PM PST

I got the official word today about my application to Jim Collins foundation for assistance with my SRS.  The answer was we regret to inform you... You can re-apply in March for the next yearly cycle.  Sigh...

What does this mean?  I will probably pursue getting an orchiectomy done as soon as possible.  Which means I need to have employment to get the loan for the 4k it will take to get it done right.  I plan on having an inguinal procedure done, because they remove the entire seminal cord that way.  I would like to have the prostate removed too, but that is more money than I care to get into.  As long as my body no longer produces testosterone I am happy.  Maybe a job will come along that will meet my needs, maybe it won't.  I get the feeling it is out of my hands.  Meaning the decisions have already been made a long time ago in a place far far away. 

I had two interviews this week and neither has a positive outcome, other than I got some practice, had a nice chat and visited an old friend.  The lab assistant job was a need you asap, and they have not called back, so I figure that is out.  The other interview for CPE turns out they have all positions filled so I am on standby at best.  I also need to take one unit of CPE before I can get into that.   Doubt that will happen.


01-14-2011 10:31:14 AM PST

Had a dream last night of a cougar or mountain lion walking toward me and I pointed this out to my female friend, not sure who, the cat came to me and rubbed next to my face, went behind me and when I turned around it had morphed into young girl with leopard spots, but no fur.  I then realized with my female friends help that she needed assistance.  She was having her first menses and I ended up giving her a douche, several times till all the blood was washed away.  I then had the thought that this was me, and that I had had my GRS surgery.  So I see this as a good sign that I will be having surgery soon.  I have also been having dreams of jumping off very high places and instead of falling, I float gently down and if I want I can stop and float up.  They are very impowering dreams were I feel immortal.  A part of me is scared that my ego is taking over, but this feeling is very small now.  I am confident that these are messages from my Higher Self that I am on the right track.  I feel that ascension is in my future.  I have seen my ascended self as a bright figure of light in humanoid form but no features, able to change shape and pulsating with intense energy.  The light is white with rainbow colors at the fringes of the light all the way around the outside of what ever shape I am in.  Needless to say I feel deep Joy and Peace in this image and deep down all seems perfectly in place.  All is in order. 


01-11-2011 9:06:10 PM PST

Good news, today I spoke to my psychologist and he is ready to issue my second letter recommending SRS/GRS.  With that done I am all set to have surgery, except for the financing that is.  The Jim Collins Foundation has not gotten back with me about my application, so at least I know it is not a no.  I await a Yes.  Come the end of April my window for the scheduled surgery will disappear. 
So far I have had little luck getting a job. I have a place to live, but no way to repay my school loan, cover living expenses or pay for further transition (GRS, electrolysis). At least I will have a Masters degree ;-)
Part of me is excited for the future, but most of me is terrified at getting out in this world. I feel like I have succeeded, and there is nothing left for me in this world. Sort of like the feeling you get when you successfully complete a rubic cube or climb to the top of a mountain, what is left but to navigate back down the mountain and pray you don't fall. As you know, it is easier going up than it is coming back down again. If I could just find a good hand glider or maybe a parachute!


01-07-2011 2:25:32 PM PST

If it is possible to be Human Dysphoric I think this may be my challenge.  I have been escaping into soul space, dream space, or cosmic dimensions a lot lately.  The body is a beautiful thing however it is a struggle to stay focused these days.  My desire to move beyond this world is deeply affecting me.  Dad used to keep me in line and so did Mom.  With my blinders removed it is hard to do anything.  My consciousness is drifting through the Universe in awe of the beauty, diversity and vastness of all that makes it up.  

The conundrum has always been if you run away, where will you go?  Where ever you go, there you are!   LOL.  The Gods no longer laugh at me they laugh through me...which is a good thing, I think.  The more I understand the less direction I feel.  I am content right here and right now, just as I am.  This is the body I wanted, except the gonads.  I think once this is shifted to align with my vision my business in this world will be done.  I wrote this article a long time ago, http://sequoiablessed.info/page20 on the Transition Journey.  Just as Jesus was done when he was Crucified/Resurrected, I feel surgery will be much like this.  With my body transformed I will no longer have use of it.  I am not here for the body, but the experience of it.  The complete experience of going from one to the other in one lifetime.  It seems I am not alone in this desire, LOL.  It is good to have company as this can be a lonely journey. 

Ahhh, what to do in the mean time... I keep getting the message to share my value with others... this is why I created the website and wrote the eBooks.  I have not sold one eBook, well maybe one.  Now we know how much value I feel.  When I look out on the world I am in awe of the beauty and love I feel.  A sense of Peace comes over me that makes it all seem as a blockbuster movie...I am simply watching, drifting through space....


01-06-2011 12:27:23 PM PST

Things are rolling right along.  I have applied at several Clinical Pastoral Education programs around the country and suspect that my best chances are right here in the bay area.  I also put applications for jobs in, so we will see what comes of that.  I have a friend here in Fremont who has offered to rent me a room at low cost.  I agreed to help her clean house.  LOL, I am good at that.  I like bringing order to chaos... we are creators after all. 

Last night I walked to the shopping area and enjoyed the incredible view of the moon and the sunset, it was Cosmic!  I felt such deep peace.  I am reminded of why I am here.  Heaven on Earth.  For diner I went to Curry King, Indian/Pakastan food that was not only delicious but inexpensive too.  I will be going back there again.  Also picked up groceries and enjoyed the walk home.  If I had a car I would have missed that sunset, at least the way I enjoyed it for 15mins.  In a car it is oh wow, and on to the next thing.  I have since come to the conclusion that I want a car for distance travel and if I can walk, I will.  What if we all took more time to walk were we are going and enjoy the journey?  You only have as much time as you take!!  It is God's gift to us all ;-)   Same goes for abundance!  I accept that which is given to me in Love of my Father, the Most High.  He provides all that I need.  I am Blessed as we are One.


01-02-2011 10:09:41 PM PST


HAPPY NEW YEAR!  This year is looking really good!  I have monumental changes ahead of me and I feel really good about the path I am on at this time.  SRS is scheduled for June 7th and I have till late April to come up with the funds.  I have faith that somehow it will all come together as planned.  The Clinical Pastoral Education Program I am applying for does not start till August, so I will have time to heal and begin my new career serving those in need at the hospital.  Surgery will likely be around 25K because I plan on getting a trachea shave also.  The Jim Collins foundation still has my application and I have an appt. with Dr. Cannon in about a week to finish up with him.  He will write my 2nd recommendation for surgery after that.  I already have a letter from Dr. Scarpella, so I am all set there.  My body is fully developed now and all that is left is the inversion of my sex organs.  I still think of my sex organs as being an external vagina, because in reality the male and female are developed from the same tissues.  It would be very helpful to shut down the testis right now though, because I could stop the Spirononlactone.  I don't know why this is not required to begin the transition.  It certainly makes sense to have them removed from the get go.  I began my transition at 47, so there is no worries of procreation.  Never desired that anyway.  We aborted the only pregnacy we ever had 25 years ago!  If I was 20, then I could see the concern, but still I would have done it then if I was not so concerned about being a 6'11" woman.  A lot as changed over the years and even since I began transtion I have grown.  I can see the big picture now...from the soul perspective and it is beautiful!  If I died tonight I would consider my life a success.  The rest of the Journey is gravy!  Let us pray Sequoia Elisabeth has her surgery as planned this year!  I am so ready...


12-27-2010 11:53:23 AM PST



“Come to accept your bodies for their only true purpose. 
They are vehicles for communication,
for the communication of Love. That is their only purpose. 
Give them no other, and you will see a transformation in your lives that will give you endless cause for joyous celebration and gratitude.”
(Jesus the Christ)



Oh Lord help me move beyond my limited thoughts to the freedom of your Love.  May my physical form assist me on my journey to accept each and every person I meet as the Christ.  I am humbled in your presence Great Spirit...  My flower blooms in your presence.  The gentle smell of roses linger... Love is so sweet ;

Thank you for bringing a strong, intelligent, attractive, loving, generous, wealthy and compassionate man into my life that we may share in our being.  My message is your message, I am that, I am...Love is the way ;-)


12-16-2010 2:51:15 PM PST

I will be the first to admit I am learning much on this Journey of Love.  I certainly do not have all the answers, although I always have what I need and more!  The reason I make this personal journal public is because I hope that others will benefit from my journey and also I believe that being open is the best way to heal.  I love every aspect of me!  Which means I love you!  We are one after all ;-) 

It is odd the fixation humans have with labels.  It was not always this way and from what I have learned this is a development of ego mind.  It is always trying to separate and when a label or name is placed on anything this is separation.  X is different than Y!  I know that we need these things to function in this world and I respect that.  I am just saying that Spirit sees no separation, it only sees beauty.  My greatest desire is to completely align with Spirit.  My Love for God grows with each passing day.  I now realize that God is everywhere in everything and expressing through all.  We are One.

I think this explains my confusion with my gender identity and sexual orientation.  God has no gender or sex and I look at my body and say What?  Oh, this is what it is like to be male or a woman... really? 


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