This is a blog to my future self and to anyone who is growing up.  I have a granddaughter whom I Love very much and who is entering her teen years.  One thing will make all the years that follow easier and more fulfilling, simply be yourself!  I know how much pressure our kids are under from society to comform to "norms" and to be in the popular cliche.  She is a popular girl which worries me that much more.  One of the biggest achievements of my life in my mind is making it to be 21!  Now we sometimes celebrate being an adult with going out drinking and all that, but that is not the half of it.  Just learning how to handle yourself in an adult manner is not taught and often a difficult lesson to learn.  Dating is another area that has a right of passage so to speak, and as long as we simply be ourselves and not try to live up to anyone elses expectations all is well.  Take your time, and enjoy this stage of life!  It is when we try to be someone we are not that the problems develop.  The movies and TV offer us many ways we are supposed to be with teen idols and Miss Popularity who seem like they are getting all the love, when in fact they are often starving for it!  In the Bohemian tradition, simply Love and be Loved!!!  When the sexual side is developing society is sometimes not very accepting of these things and we feel bad about ourselves.  Experiment and discover what turns you on and celebrate that, honor that!  Don't be afraid of it.  Sex, Love and the body are natural things that are a part of us, so embrace them, but do not flaunt them, share them but only when you feel safe.  Talk to someone you trust preferably your parents or someone else's parents if you need advice in this area.  Adults are here to help you grow and when we trust, that trust is returned to us.  Love the way that comes natural to you, and as we discover ourselves, and honor that, we attract the appropriate partner.  Simply listen to your heart and Love without limits!  This is being yourself. 

Sharing my Vision of the near future

What is this Transgender journey anyway?  Do you think you have it figured out?  Please let me know, because I still wrestle with it.  Is it gender identity disorder or simply an Identity Crisis.  I thought for the longest time that what I was dealing with was simply an Identity Crisis, I kept asking - Who am I?  Now this went on for years and years, so I suppose I was not happy with the answer I was getting back.  The best answer I have heard to date is that 'I am not my body, but a Spiritual Being having a human experience!'  Still that falls short in my mind and more importantly, I feel in my soul that I am more than this.  What is a person to do?  Nothing I am afraid.  Picture an ant on a leaf floating in a river.  The river is very big like the amazon and it is flowing fast but no rapids at this point.  I have survived the rapids thank God.  Now I float in the delta with the ocean only a few years away.  I feel it approaching and yet all I can do is enjoy the view.  Is life a cruel joke?  Or is it a Blessed gift?  I have tried both on for size and the Blessed Gift fits best.  It definitely feels better!  So life goes on, what is around the next bend?  I look forward to it!  I know now that nothing but good exists. 

"Nothing real can be threatened

Nothing unreal exists.

Here in lies the Peace of God." ACIM

In a world based on money failure is not only inevitable, it is required.  It is based on conditions where you must have in order to have.  To me this seems like a world devoid of Love.  Unconditional Love only exists for those who are unconditional.  IF I have nothing then that is what I give and what I recieve.  The question then becomes, what do I have?  The verdict is still out on that question.  For now. 

The physical world must have conditons to exist though and thereby establishes that Love cannot exist in the physical world.  Any True Love we experience comes to us from far beyond, in a form we cannot hold or even see.  I am an oxymoron or is that a moron ox?  How does one experience Love in a physical world?  The version we have made up pales in comparison to the Truth.  She who wishes to live, must die!  He who wishes to die, must live, oh the absurdity of it all!  What lies next around the bend?  Do I really want to know? 

Fitting in and finding our path on this often confusing journey is a great challenge.  I find that staying true to my Spiritual commitments and following my gender path are the same thing.  How exactly I fit into society I am not sure, I do know that I am more than ever dedicated to living my ideals and not yielding to popular convention.  Don't get me wrong, I have no set way of going about this, only that I have certain ideals that are not negotionable.  Allow me to state them here so that we all know where we stand.

I am a Spiritual Being having a physical human experience. 

My life path is to inspire others while being true to myself

God is all there is, all else is illusion

It matters if I say it matters! And the SAME GOES FOR YOU ;-)

It matters if you say it matters.

I am not my body

I am so much more than a body, name or identity

When I die, life will go on...

These are the basics, so I will leave it at this for now. 

I just had the thought that what difference does it make what kind of car we drive?   Let me explain.  I view our bodies like a vehicle that carries our soul and so our bodies are much like a car.  They have parts, they can break down and they take us where we want to go.  So if you were born into a blue chevy pickup truck lets say and you "feel" like you belong in pink cadillac escalade then all you have to do is purchase a new car right?  It is almost that easy these days, but not quite.  The point I am making here is what is the big deal what kind of car you drive?  Are your parts working?  Are you going where you want to?  This is where things get crazy, because many of us are adamant that we need to be driving a different car, because we are not where we are supposed to be!  I am sure I can ramble on here about this point but I will not.  I will only say that I dream of a day when we can teleport where we are going no vehicle needed!  ;-)

Oh Lord, Make me an Instrument of your Peace!  I am happy to report that all is going very well.  I started a blog on the sister site to this website.  It is called Transitions Blog and covers topics related to transitions both gender transitions and others.  Most transitions are similar and we all go through them, and in fact they are an intergral part of life!  Birth itself is a transition, so we should be pretty good at by this time, lol.  Please check it out at http://blessedaware.wordpress.com/ .  I am attempting to write a blog every day and we will see how I do.  Please be easy on me if I miss a day.  My entries here will be fewer and will focus on my personal life and how that relates to my transition.  Blessings to you and good night ;-)

A quick thought I would like to share with my trans-friends.  I pray that you understand that we are on a Spiritual Journey and what we have been given is a Divine Gift!  I see more and more Transgender people in general that understand this.  It is so AWESOME to watch the world awaken to it's Divine heritage and I realize that I am a part of that.  I am blossoming into the Blessed person I am meant to be and it is glorious indeed! 

Here is a prayer that I like and even though I do not use this every night, I do believe this is what happens.  Each night that I lay down to sleep my mind drifts off and my conscious soul returns home to The Soul, so in effect I die every night when I go to sleep.  Of course there is that cord of Spirit connection that can awake you at a moments notice, but when we can let go of the mind and set a conscious thought a float on the sea of "our" thoughts then when we awaken the next day all is fresh and new with endless possibilities.  Here is a Prayer to say before you go to sleep, along with sharing your dreams with Universal mind as this brings it to conscious experience. 

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep;
Guide and guard me through the night
and wake me with the morning's light

Happy Thanksgiving!  We did quite a bit of cooking today and the rest will be done in the a.m.  I have been thinking today about how Blessed I really am.  I see abundance all around me!  This house has food all over and I can feel the Joy that holidays bring.  It is amazing how big peoples hearts are.  This neighborhood is like the ones I used to know as a kid when everyone shared treats with each other during this time between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  They say that dreams come to those who wait, and I think it is more like they come to those who are willing to allow them in their thoughts and actions.  The one thing I value more than anything on earth is Love - I am a millionaire! 

I do miss my family in TN and I know they are thinking of me too.  It has always been my policy that everyone I meet is extended family, so here is to you!  The loving people who are reading this blog ;-)  I feel your love.  I hope that my daughter knows how much I love her and her family.  Juanita our love goes beyond words and John you lucky guy - God Bless you.  I am grateful to have two wonderful brothers who are each special in their own ways., HUGS to you both.  A BIG hug to my father who is doing the best he can to live the life he desires, May you be Blessed in the journey.  Last but not least I send prayers of loving thankfulness to my Mom who is off dancing with Angels and she is probably teaching them a thing or two as well!  Thank you for being an awesome role model. 

This has been a great year with a lot of changes and I have a feeling that it is about to get even better ;-)  Only five more weeks to go.  Each new day brings the gift of awareness to new heights.

As it turns out I did go to the Day of Remembrence and ended up enjoying it very much.  I even participated with 14 other TG's who read a name in memorial to a gender varient person who died this year.  The best part of the evening was visiting with friends and meeting new friends.  What an amazing community we have here in Denver.  Everywhere I turn I find someone who is loving and supportive. 

I have done some research on diversity training and have been reflecting on my role in the community.  I am also looking for work.  I know I want to teach and/or train individuals, companies and organizations about diversity from the spiritual perspective.  I really want people to look at their beliefs and ask the question, Is this serving me?  How is this serving me? and How can I serve others?  The last question seems to be a question that most of us ask, but the first one I am not so sure about.  The "this" in the question can be anything of issue in your life, problem, success, pain, injury, large bonus, unexpected check in the mail, what ever you believe, etc.  The important thing is that you are honest and take the time to access your deeper feelings.  As transgender individuals we have been given the gift of being able to see both sides of an issue in a very deep way.  We have many gifts and each of us should look closely at what they are and share that with the world.  I see many of our community doing that in various ways, for instance websites seem to be popular, LOL.  Please share my site with whom ever you like and who may benefit from the materials here.  Life is Love, pass it on ;-)

ps. Copyright is a illusion, but credit where credit is due is requested

What if every person you have ever met is a different version of YOU?  Think about this for a min.  and try to imagine if there is any person who you just cannot identify with?  Somehow I feel that this is the true meaning of oneness.  Every person you have loved or hated is simply a different version of yourself!  When I consider this reality I am intrigued and well pleased.  This concept really embodies infinite possibilities over infinite time in the realms of infinite space!  I am so grateful to have lived my life to the fullest I can with what I have.  Perfection is not about right or wrong but everything happening just the way it had to given the energy of the situations involved.  It is hard to put into words, but I can feel it.  It is like watching a movie and knowing that every element of the scene was constucted for a purpose and with a result in mind.  My life is like that.  The more I am able to bring to consciousness the whys and hows of my life the more beautiful it becomes!  The sense of connection I feel does vary from time to time, experience to experience, but I am getting so good at relishing those feelings and appreciating them no matter how difficult some of them are.  I am grateful to be here to write this journal entry.  It is my deepest desire that each person I meet know that I Love them.  Love is what the world is ultimately made of, which is why Love prevails in stories and why Goodness wins over evil.  It can be no other way!  XOXOXO, Sequoia Elisabeth

Just got back from a meeting at the gender center and besides meeting a new friend it was pretty boring.  I was hopeful that they would be taking volunteers for center activities and for Gold Rush.  Gold Rush is a big gender conference that they put on every year and it has grown to be one of the biggest in the country second only to SCC(Southern Comfort Conference) in Atlanta.  The next big conference is in Chicago.  I think they have them in california and seattle also.  Anyway, ours is going to be great this year and will be my first of this type conference.  I know that I am new to this community and have to work my way in and build a name for myself.  Basically I am doing just that.  I am impressed that few Transgender people talk much about spirituality.  Sometimes they mention church, but not the founding beliefs that make up their personal outlook on life.  I pretty important factor, and one I suppose people just take for granted.  I feel like shining the light on this and asking "are you sure this is what you believe?"  Our beliefs make up our entire world so they are pretty important!  Every day I question mine!  Is this who I really am?  I am a woman and so much more.  I do not see myself as female at this point in the game.  Once I get the surgery that will fall into place as the ground is being sowed for that now.  Questioning reality is always a good idea!  Frankly I have no idea how I got this far in my life without transitioning, but here I am so I will take that, lol.  I was thinking of doing a video and posting it on youtube but after I surfed around on that site I decided that I would wait.  Not sure what to say anyway.  All youtube needs is another TG related video, aaaagggghhhh :-}  I would like to develop a transgender eCourse that I can offer and market to all the world.  That is where I will make a few videos.  So long for now. ;-)

Today has been a big success.  I got up on time and made it over to the GLBT center to meet Crystal and Shari for our talk.  The talk was so much fun, the group was receptive and I was able to talk to them and almost sound intelligent.  I believe I was able to make a few important points such as Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation are seperate and independent, and each person on this planet is an individual and as such we each have our own journey no matter how similar some of them seem.  I told my story of my growing up and how difficult it was for me to come to terms with my situation.  I put up a good fight and now that I lost - I have won! It is funny that for the first time that I can remember I feel comfortable in my body(almost) and with my identity completely.  My purpose on earth seems clear to me now and what I have to offer is also apparent as well.  I am so grateful for my career in MRI and being in a clinic today I felt so comfortable.  I thought for a while that I would enjoy doing continuing education or some type of training in the medical environment.  That is going to be up to the Universe as it has become a nightly routine to surrender my life to Holy Spirit and ask for guidance to the Highest and Best course for all concerned.  Surrender, Trust and Gratitude!  I Trust the Higher process of the Universe to provide for me and allow my path to reveal itself in grand glory daily!  I am so grateful to be alive in this age of awakening!!  Blessed Be ;-)

This has been a great month of Oct. with many successes and victories.  I finished my first class with an A- which I am thrilled about.  My decision to go back to school has been a good one.  I know that the future is bright for me now.  Looking back over the month I have worked out some challenges I had with my hormones and I am not finished with that, but I am happy that I got my perscription changed from Premarin to Estradiol (generic) because the Estradiol is taken sublingual and is much easier on my stomach!  I am paying 4$ for 30 tablets of the Estradiol vs the free price tag on the Premarin from the clinic, but it is worth it in the long run to protect my health.  The other success is that I started my own Mary Kay business!  I love makeup and have always wanted to learn about cosmotology.  This is a gift I am giving myself.  With my medical background learning about skin care should be both easy and fun.  Mom taught me a lot about colors and how to combine them for an attractive look so this will serve me well.  Be sure to check out my website throught link on this website.  The other success is that I received my loan money for school and I am able to pay all my bills for the rest of the year!  YAY!

Upon deep reflection and through my interactions with my peers at the GICC I am realizing that I need to have SRS as soon as possible for several reasons.  One is that as long as I have male parts they will be producing male hormones and it would not only be financially better to not have to take anti-androgens it would be physically better on my body.  The other benefit is that my psychological adjustment would be easier as I could say, look I have female parts now so I am a woman through and through.  When I look in the mirror I have to Love what I see and that is a stretch for me.  It is getting easier the more I practice, and maybe this is something I have to do internally first before the outside can be changed.  Relating to others, especially men will be easier when I know I can give him what he desires (and what I desire).   I know the money will come and I will have SRS soon.  Just how and where this is coming from I have no idea.  I am open to all gifts of the Universe may they be expected or unexpected and may they be in the Highest and Best good of everyone concerned!   I go to sleep each night with a vision of my body as I desire it to appear.  Is it strange to dream of being a vagina?  As they say, Be - Do - Have!

A MESSAGE FROM THE ANGELSSession data-->

My dear friends, we love you so very much.

In your hearts dear ones there is always light, always joy, always
truth. It is only your minds, your conditioning, and your fears,
that darken these beautiful spaces of the soul. When you walk in
joy and faith, you walk in truth. When you walk in fear, the
illusions of the world are making an attempt to possess you. Your
loving creator desires to give you all that you need and more. Your
loving creator wants you to experience the joys of this reality,
the security that comes from knowing all your true needs are met,
the delight of connecting with other wonderful experiences and
human beings. Your loving creator wants more for you than you would
ever dream of asking. God wants nothing less than to allow your
soul to blossom in the fullness of its loving expression this
lifetime.

When you worry, allow fears of lack, fears of the future, or
feelings of separation to possess you, you are truly giving up your
God given right to be happy. Look your fears in the face, dear
ones. Challenge them. What if they did come true? In the worst of
cases, you would handle the situation while God holds your hands
and angels guide you. You would learn. You would come out stronger,
wiser, more clear on the true nature of God's love. Better yet, if
you surrender to each moment, embracing its beauties, giving thanks
for its gifts and blessings, then chances are likely you will not
even have to face your fears. For in avoiding fears fearfully, you
draw them unto you, but in loving each moment, there is no room in
your soul for these fears to take root. They cannot grow into
reality when planted in a heart that is watered with love and
tended with kindness.

When you feel fearful, ask to feel the truth of God's love. Sit,
breathe, relax, and receive until you are calm and feeling the
truth of this beautiful light inside you once again. When you are
fearful for another, use your willpower to stop your worrying and
surround them with a beautiful light. When you are afraid about
your future, give thanks and praise for you now. Sometimes you do
not like where you are in life. That is ok, but there is always,
and we repeat, always something to be thankful for and something to
life your vibration.

Dear ones, fears are temporary, but the truth of God's love is
eternal. This love is what creates you, sustains you, breathes
every breath you breathe, and pulses through every beat of your
heart. This love will be with you throughout your entire life and
after death. There is never a moment when it is not there. There
are only times when, as human beings, you allow fears to take
control of your minds, possess your spirits, and then dear ones,
you are simply wearing a blindfold and cannot see the light. Go
within, sit, breathe, relax, receive, and you will find this light
once again. Focus upon it. Fill your hearts with gratitude for the
beautiful and treasured souls that you truly are and then your
lives will begin to reflect the miraculous nature of heaven.

Heaven is and has always been there for you dear ones. Focus upon
what is good and true and heaven will reveal is beautiful light in
both your hearts and your lives.

We love you so very much.
-- The Angels w/Ann Albers

Let me explain why I chose the name I did for this website.  Sequoia Blessed is fairly self explanitory if you are a minister or religious person, however just in case I would like to make it clear that I Bless my new life!  To Bless something is to see the Divine within it.  The old school would have you believe that only "a Person of the Cloth" could Bless anything, but this is simply not true.  We each have the ability to Bless anyone or anything we choose!  When you say "I Bless you", what you are saying is I see the Divine within you!  You are expressing your connection to that person and to the Almighty.  Please know that we are all connected with the ONE (God, Universal Truth, Great Spirit, Allah, Yaweh, etc.) and with each other since we are all an extension of the One.  You do not have to believe in God or anything like this, because God believes in YOU.  For many years I did not believe in anything and slowly I awoke to the Truth.  I continue to awaken and my awareness deepens every day!  It is hard to put into words, but as I was awakening (our most connected and aware time of the day to our soul) I got the message to write this blog!  We are guided each step of the way if we listen.  It is when we stop listening and not "paying" attention that we go astray.  That is why the analogy of the shepherd is used for Jesus.  He will not let one person get lost.  I have found my way Home!  And so will YOU.  We are all at Home in God, May you be Blessed in your journey! I make it a habit now to Bless all who cross my path be they friend or foe ( I have no foe's because I choose not to see them that way)!  I ask you today to see the Divine is each and every person you meet by Blessing them! (simply say to yourself or out loud, "I Bless you" while you are thinking of that person - seeing the Divine within them)  Thank you for visiting my website, I BLESS YOU!

ps. To see the "Divine" in someone look for what you share in common, we are each human to start with, or we are all made of the same "star stuff"as Carl Sagan used to say, so with practice and honest inquiry you will be guided to that place where you can feel in your heart a connection to each and every person you meet.  This feeling will lift you up and feels wonderful.  Remember that the Divine is a positive force or energy that makes up everything in our world and that it exists in even the most devastating disaster, Look for it!

Last night I really enjoyed the GICC meeting since their were people there that I could relate to.  We covered all kinds of topics and I had fun.  I was so inspired that I came home and stayed up late working on the TransTerminology page which I expanded to include both Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation.  I even put in a few terms that I feel are important in understanding the trans journey.  For instance I do not associate woman with a persons genitals or man for that matter.  Genitals are associated with female and male.  So I see myself as a male woman!  At least until I have SRS.  Once the surgery is done then I will be a female woman not like genetic females, but a woman with a deeper understanding of what it is to be Human.  Not better or worse than anyone either, but just a different perspective arising from my unique experiences.  We are each on our own personal journey through "space-time" and that is what makes the world so unique and special.  I think that our general "identity" is important so that we have a way to relate to what we are experiencing.  Without a point of reference it is easy to get lost!  Life is simple, easy is up to you!

Sometimes I wonder why I care.  My deepest desire is to help others, to make a difference in the world, and to raise the level of consciousness.   I love everyone I meet.  How I express that Love differs, but there is no doubt that the people I meet are beautiful loving souls like me that care about the world they live in and the other life forms that share their existance.  So why is it so hard to understand each other?  The paradox of life is that we are all the same, yet we appear different.  Making friends is simply about finding what you have in common and building on that, whether this person is gay, fat, transgender, asian, attractive, disabled, rich or republican only matters if you make it so.  When you focus on the similarities you share, a bond is created, a bond we call friendship.  If that similarity is not focused on then the bond will weaken and eventually break.  The first time I meet a person I am looking for things we share in common so I have something to talk about.  I am open and happy to talk about most any subject, just be ready for the answer!  I am going to tell you the truth as I see it, you may not see it that way and that is OK, just please hear me out.  It is not my personality type to convince anyone of anything, nor do I sell myself to others even though I realize that is the way one gets their message out to the world.  Let me just re-state my message in as clear a phrase as I can.  I LOVE YOU, and I pray that you Love me too.

Today has been one of those days when I question my exisitance and yet I am thrilled to be living the life I came here to live.  I know the Truth and yet...I keep getting barraged with doubt.  Life goes on....

This has been a wonderful week.  Tuesday I went to pay for the alterations I had done on my bras since they did not fit me just right and were uncomfortable to wear, now they are wonderful and I am happy to wear a bra.  I also dropped off a few dresses to be tailored for my tall body.  I am so glad that I have found a wonderful seamstress/tailor to do my alterations.  When you are as tall as I am finding clothes off the rack that fit right is rare, but it does happen.  SimplyTall.com is a wondeful website for tall women and they have all types of clothing.  I am presently considering getting a raincoat, but have not made the decision.  I am waiting to see how the money situation is.  I really want a raincoat that has a hood so that my hair stays dry when I walk to the bus.  I will be shopping the bargain stores here soon for a new purse too.  On wednesday was my eye doctor appointment and that went very well as my prescription only needed a slight change, plus I found this awesome pair of girly frames that look great on me ;-)  I will pick them up tomorrow after going to the pharmacy to get my hormones.  Today I went to see the doctor and she wrote me a prescription for Estroderm and Finasteride.  The reason I requested these particular meds is because I have found them to be easy to handle physically and inexpensive as well.  The Premarin was OK, but it is hard on my stomach (I had to start taking anti-acid meds) and the feminization was less noticable also.  Tonight I went to a pot luck meeting at the GBLT Center downtown and had a fabulous time!  I love visiting with other ladies like myself and sharing our experiences.  So as you can see this has been a fun filled week and it is not even over yet.  I think this is partly due to the fact that I have a FAT bank account right now after getting my school loan money.  I am saving most of it for paying monthly bills and plan on making it through the year on what I have left.  Of course I am open to expected and unexpected sources of income coming to me at any time, because I am in the flow where mystery and miracles abide!  May the funds appear for SRS and electrolysis with Godspeed ;-)

  The next step after getting the electrolysis and laser hair removal going and you have cleared your face at least one time you can think about starting the hormones.  Of course don't forget to get counseling before even starting the transition in any form.  A professional gender therapist is not a requirement at this stage, but it is highly recommended.  www.docbushong.com is my choice because I could use him from anywhere, he has been doing this a long time, has extensive experience with the trans-community and is very good at what he does.  I suggest searching the internet for a gender therapist in your city first, if that does not work find others in the trans-community and ask them where they go.  The website URnotAlone.com is an excellent way to find others to talk to.  OK, now that you have a therapist, and have started your hair removal you can start thinking about hormones.  I am assuming that you have made the decision with the help of your therapist that you are ready to take this long and irreversible journey.  Hormones are a big step!  Do not take them lightly.  There are risks that must be considered.  They will render you sterile eventually and pose health risks depending on your level of health.  I will not get into specifics here because there are websites that do a very good job of this, just check the weblinks page on this website.  I will share the route I took because I am very satisfied with it.  First I started on anti-androgens (Spironolactone) - keep the dosage below 200mg a day.  I over did it to start and ended up in the ER with severe dehydration and irregular heartbeat.  I only take 50mg now twice a day.  I only took this one hormone for 6mos before I started on the estrogen.  This helped ease my body into the transition and I could feel the effects right away.  The other anti-androgen he put me on was Finasteride (Proscar) 5mg once a day.  This helps in scalp hair growth plus it shrinks the prostate gland.  The Estrogen he suggested and I am very happy with is "the patch" Estradiol in a transdermal patch.  He suggested Climera because it is inexpensive, but I broke out in a rash, so I ended up using Estaderm which is only a little more expensive.  This brings up the cost factor for all this.  Be prepared to spend some cash!  The hormones cost about $100 a month depending on where you go to get them, could be more or less.  He also had me taking oral Estrofem as a supplement to the transdermal patch.   A few things have happened over the last year, such as having great difficulty finding work as my Transgender self and money has become an issue for me.  I had to go to a homeless clinic and get my meds for free and make a few sacrifices.  I am taking Premarin now which I do not recommend for several reasons, it is not as effective, is hard on the stomach and I have been feeling strange for the lack of a better word.  I am still taking the Spironolactone which the clinic provides, but as soon as I can find a different alternative I will get off the Premarin.  Please understand that I feel that transition is more important than my life and most if not all transsexuals feel this way.  Transition is a life or death decision!  DO IT OR DIE TRYING is very acceptable to me.  Getting on feminizing hormones is the best thing I have done for myself, because I feel so much better and cannot be happier with the results!  As they say, Nothing ventured, nothing gained!  By venturing my life, I have gained the life of my dreams!  Don't forget to get medical care when needed and consult a therapist on a regular basis.  I am OK with risk, but unnecessary risk is plain foolish. The journey continues....

I have had some good meetings at the GICC (Gender Identity Center of Colorado) and one thing that was pointed out is that planning of the transition is so important to an easy and comfortable transition.  Electrolysis is the most important thing we do as MtoF Transgender persons, so do it early - first thing!  Before we start hormones our bodies are less sensitive to pain and can tolerate the whole process much better.  I suggest starting with Laser and get that done as soon as possible, usually takes 6-8 treatments to clear the face.  If you have dark hair and a hairy body then think about getting it for your body, but if you are not overly hairy don't waste the money on it.  Hormones do a good job of reducing the hairs on your body to a normal woman's level.  Yes women do have hair all over their body, but it is softer, shorter and less noticable.  After you get the Laser done, or even at the same time, start working on the electrolysis.  Our hairs grow in cycles and when you get one clearing another clearing will be necessary.  It will take years to get them all.  So even if you go for a year getting laser and electrolysis and then starting hormones, you will be way ahead of the game!  The hormones work wonders, but have to be approached with caution.  I will go into that on a later Blog, but basically find a doctor that knows Trangender processes and follow their advice.  See the links on my weblinks page.  I recommend Dr. Bushong, but that is because I have been using him and find his advice to be excellent!

Today is the official one year anniversary of being full time!   I have NOT crossdressed (in my mind) this whole year and feels great to be myself finally.  For me wearing mens clothes is crossdressing since I identify female and just because I had this thing between my legs I was trained to crossdress.  Now don't get confused, because it is not that difficult.  The exterior does not always match the interior and that is OK, it can be corrected.  I just took life as being a world of opposites thinking that things where not meant to match up, you know - opposites balance one another.  The truth is that like attracts like and opposites balance.  The important thing is that almost all is well in my world.  I still am planning on having SRS to make me functioning.  I am grateful for the times I was able to function as a male, and I can think of a few times that it was indeed Cosmic, but I attribute that more to the person I was with.  I am indeed Blessed in my life in so many ways.  Thank God for the gifts I have received and am yet to receive.  Each step of my life reveals a Blessing even greater than what I have known before!