03-13-2012 12:12:36 PM MST
Sometimes when you win, you lose. I have successfully transitioned to a point, and hit a wall. My appearance is perfect, I love it! However, nothing has really changed. I still feel disconnected and trapped in a world that has gone terribly wrong. My logical mind knows this is not so, and that all is right on track, but I still feel wrong. In fact it is intensifying! Maybe surgery would fix this, maybe not. I have no way of knowing, although I suspect it would not make any difference.
There have been glimses of the bliss/connection to source that I seek, however they are fleeting and unfulfilling. I know the Truth, and yet I am not free. Frankly I do not see myself ever integrating back into society, neither as a woman nor a man. Gender seems beside the point. My gender feels right now. Sex is not right, and frankly is a burden, I hate how the urges seem to control me. I feel a swelling inside that area (womb space), and know there is a tumor there. I have known about a cyst on the prostate gland for 30yrs, yet I am told it is not cancerous. The feeling seems deeper than the physical. Am I soon to give birth?
I surrender to Holy Spirit,... I commend my soul to your arms.
03-11-2012 10:16:53 PM MST
"Thank you for submitting an application for a Jim Collins Foundation grant. Unfortunately, we are not able to reward you a grant at this time."
This news came this past week and while I am not surprised I am disappointed. Surgery is looking doubtful these days, unless I truly experience a miracle. The money could come from many avenues and at this stage of the game I am happy getting an orchiectomy, at least that is a step in the right direction and can be done for $3000 or so. IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO DONATE THE $3K, PLEASE EMAIL THE ADDRESS PROVIDED ON THIS WEBSITE!
Things have not gotten desperate yet, however I can not say how much longer I can cope with this. There is no reason to "not" have the Orchi and I really wish I had done it before I changed careers. Without an income or a gift I see no way to cover this. I do realize the resource based economy is yet to form, although I also believe in the power of miracles. It is my vow to myself that I hold out till the end of the year. If nothing materializes by then, I may choose to take drastic action. It has been 5 yrs since I started hormone therapy and I am very happy with every aspect of my life, except the fact that I must continue to take the hormones as long as I live or until I have surgery. My attempt to get off hormones and just live as I am failed. The function of the male parts returned and drove me crazy. It is NOT me. Please forgive me for ever wanting to be a man. (which I must have, since I was born this way)
If anyone knows of a doctor doing charity work and is willing to do an orchiectomy, please contact me asap.
03-06-2012 10:53:00 PM MST
Insanity, it is what I see when I look at the news, or talk to people about politics, religion, or even shopping. The mirror is showing me Insanity! Ahh, but what do I expect in a world of separation, pain, suffering, and hate? This duality is tiring, YES - I see beauty, Love, Joy, and all those feel good things too. I make it a point to look for the good, the beauty, the Peace. In a dualistic world no matter how much beauty I see, I know there is just as much ugly! In a perfectly balanced world (nature makes sure things balance), what is the motivation to move forward and just where is forward?
It has been a good life. The rest is gravy. It is amazing to see how far I have come! The successes are too many to list, no really, I am very happy with my success! The most satisfying are, learning to read and write, as a dyslexic, visually challenged, not very bright child. The other thing is finally facing my transgender status, after sort of understanding it at the age of 17. I am still learning! The journey has been a sea of tears, laced with some really Joyous moments. ... I suppose if I was sane and living in an insane world I might feel outta place. O.o
02-27-2012 6:49:33 PM MST
There are 308 days left in this year. I am sticking to my promise I made myself. This is the last year for me. If the Universe deems it time for me to leave earlier that is fine. May the prophecies for 2012 manifest.
I hereby release any attachments I have in this 3d world. I vow to be Loving to every person I meet, to myself, and to those I have not yet met. If the opportunity to have surgery presents itself I will take it, if not then I am I fine with that too. As I have written about in Transitions Blog, it is my belief that all death is suicide and that we all choose when, where, and how we die. Whether we are aware of this fact is the only question.
My challenge to my self is to remain as high spiritually as possible, and to remain positive and helpful to all those in my life. Just as in any transition, it is key to remain positive, and in high spirits. I remain in this world to bear witness to the prophecies! I am not my body, although I am grateful for its service to me.
Please forgive me, I am sorry, Thank You, I Love You ♥
02-12-2012 3:43:29 PM MST
I have been in Tucson AZ for the past week and my goals have mostly been met. I have walked in the desert and felt the warm sun and breeze which seems to always take me back to a place of comfort, like being safe and warm in the womb of God. It is hard to explain why I feel this way here, it is sort of like touching home base, even though I am not from here. (Could be proximity to a lay line node) Guess this proves the power of feelings and soul memory.
The Mexican food has been a real treat, despite what anyone else says, Tucson has the best Burritos I have had anywhere, so it is comforting to connect with this pleasure again. It is also the birthplace of Chimichangas. I had a wonderful dinner with an old friend and feel much was accomplished for both of us. This is not to mention the Joy of being with my old friend Linda who is like a sister to me. She embodies all the spiritual principles we all aspire to - generosity, caring, compassion and peace. God Bless her for having me ;-)
The Gem show was per usual, so I find myself less impressed although it is sobering to think of incredible beauty and abundance reflected there. The highlight of the show for me is an awesome specimen of Tanzanite that not only was huge, but had a richness of color that boggled the eye. The show is like going to a museum where for the right price you can buy any piece.
I attended the SAGA (Southern Arizona Gender Associates) meeting and plan on attending the Desert Girlz this Monday. Once again I am impressed with the beautiful people and the level of knowledge that exists in this group. It is fun to socialize with those on a similar journey.
I had a dream this week that let me know that I am not to stay here. My path is back in Denver, so I will be returning Feb. 22nd and jumping back into my duties at the Gender Identity Center of Colorado as well as taking care of Deborah. This trip has been an indulgence for my soul which is feeling better already!
01-26-2012 9:50:49 PM MST
I have 338 days to go, maybe less depending on how things go. Part of me says it will not take that long and the other part says it will not happen at all. Either way, I am done come 2013. Of course nothing is set in stone, so I will keep on the path. It really is a forgone conclusion or a self-fulfilling prophecy. I choose Unity - Oneness and for that I do not need a body. I am who I am
01-25-2012 9:41:21 AM MST
If I had it to do over again, I would have an Orchiectomy from the very beginning when I was still making good money. The financial benefits are on a five year or there abouts scale. If SRS happens before this then the financial benefit is mute. Finances aside, the physical and health benefits of not having to take anti-androgen and only small doses of estrogen and possibly progesterone depending on the factors of your physiology are compelling. When you really think about it, supressing the male hormones or female if you are F2M is like putting your body in prison! Does it not make more sense to change the game than it does to keep fighting? Of course if you can afford SRS and have spent at least a few years consciously exploring your inner feelings concerning gender, then by all means go for it!
The last thing we should be concerned with at this point is the ability to have babies. The world has 7 billion people, do we really need more? Adopting is the way to go, but if it is really important to you then bank your sperm or eggs and get the surgery that will put your mind at ease. I recommend the same thing for F2M, get a hystorectomy and a breast recon, then worry about the phallus construction. I am not concerned one bit about having a vagina or to use the correct terms, a neo-vagina. Oh, it would be nice and I can only imagine the Joy and Pleasure that would come from being on that side of intercourse. Having experienced as close to both as I can with a male body I know that sex has one purpose, to connect with God. It is not about having kids, or anything like that. It is about the connection to the Divine that you feel. Sort of like a reminder of what it is like to be Divine!
01-19-2012 10:39:37 PM MST
So far this year is living up to expectations - bold, dynamic, and peaceful. I look around and my friends are excelling and living their dreams. Success is a common theme and I am happy to include myself in this. The work with the Gender Identity Center is going very well as is Unity in Gender Diversity. My eBooks are being read and well received while the website visits continue to blossom! I feel like my message of Unity, Oneness, and Divine Love is making a connection.
I plan on visiting old friends in Tucson, AZ next month. The thought of seeing friends, visiting the Beloved Desert, and discovering new opportunities excites me. The plan is to stay three weeks, visit with whoever is interested, walk in the desert, experience the culture, and attend the Gem and Mineral show.
My life could be over soon, so I am doing the things that sing to my soul. Tucson is one of them, the other is to visit Knoxville again and possibly see my brothers & father, and visit Juanita, Angelica and family. I love to visit those close to me, it has kept me going this long and I suspect it will keep me going a while longer.
I know big changes are coming and pray one of them is SRS. I know many souls will be leaving the earth plane this year and I want to visit with those I love. Too many to list really, but the point is that I am making the most I can of these most precious last days.
01-01-2012 12:27:33 PM MST
...I just wrote a long note about 2011 and lost it all when IE locked up... :-(
Such is Life! Suffice it to say that I am grateful for each and every person in my life and for how they helped me by either allowing me to help them or by their direct support. Life supports me, I have demonstrated that without a doubt in 2011. I look forward to new adventures in 2012 as well as the fulfillment of lifelong dreams, namely SRS/GRS. I hold very high hopes of being approved for the Jim Collins Foundation grant and if not then some other source of funding will allow me to have the surgery to align my mental and physical forms in the sexual function category. My gender has not and will not change, what I desire to do is align my male body with my female mind and soul. We are entering an age of femininity that will reign for the next 2000 years! I embrace this fully and with great Joy!
I release the masculine dominated past with no regrets and honor it for the growth it manifested. Not just for me, but the world in general, because we are ultimately in this all together as one. If you cannot see this then step back and observe. Every aspect of life is interconnected and interdependent! So much so it resembles a symphony of Cosmic Proportions!!
It feels like I am on the verge of deep insights and vast epiphanies’… often times feeling connected to Source directly where all wisdom exists; sort of like swimming in a warm ocean of incredibly Loving and Supportive Conscious Intelligence. I am One with all there is…
12-17-2011 12:00:39 PM MST
I just had a deep insight into who I am. My former self, Steven was the shell that protected me and kept me safe. Now that I no longer have that protection, Sequoia Elisabeth is feeling very vulnerable. It is rather scary to be sure. These feelings are intensifing because I have a Holiday Dinner this evening with my roommate's work associates and I will be meeting people I have never met before. I am sure it will all work out fine, but I can't help but feel trepidation.
Safety is a perception, I know this. No one is ever completely safe and yet we are always safe! Depends on what you consider safety to be. Your body is easily harmed, but the Spirit is impervious. It is feelings that are difficult to deal with sometimes. I have a very strong emotional body and it often overwhelms me. And when I allow my passions to express I often overwhelm others...thus I almost always have the brakes on. Today it is wearing me out! I pray the strength to make it through the day!
12-07-2011 11:34:30 AM MST
My one month experiment with hormones has ended. I am back on the Spironolactone/andogen blocker. Having a male sex drive again was freaky! The experience was very educational though and I am grateful for the insight. I feel so much better about getting GRS(SRS) because I know now that male activities are not right for me. Being a woman and yet having male equipment is just plain backwards! All the times I was with women in the past (except in my last marriage) The relationship had a lesbian feel to it. I had no idea what to do the first time and when we were intimate I felt lesbian. It is hard to describe. I just know. I was like a sheep in wolf's clothing...
Suffice it to say that being free from the "T" is such a blessing! I feel "right" again. Sometimes you must feel wrong to know what is right. Contrast is indeed a gift. So the other news I will share is that I got a letter yesterday informing me that I am a finalist in the Jim Collins Grant runnings. I could be having GRS very soon! We will know after the first of the year. My slot is saved with Marci Bowers so I should get in fairly quickly when the time comes. One way or another I will be having surgery very soon. YAY ;-)
11-18-2011 8:09:35 AM MST
Interesting observation! Now that I am off the "T" blocker I am no longer attracted to men as much. Women are looking much better as far as sexual attraction goes. My gender identity has not changed. I have no desire to ever wear men's clothes again and in fact I feel as feminine as ever. My desire to wear flamboyant clothing has grown! I suppose what one would describe as the "gay" behavior is as strong as ever.
This is how I was before transition, although more reserved. I Love my ex's very much and always will. Women are so beautiful, smart and fun to be with. Guys are fun sometimes, but often they bore me. LOL, it seems odd. I heard this from my aunt and I will repeat it here, men are for one thing, well maybe two things, Sex and lifting heavy objects. I realize how sexist this sounds and I will leave it at that. (please forgive me).
Life goes on....
11-16-2011 9:24:01 AM MST
I think I have figured out my dyphoria. It is 3rd Dimension Dysphoria and we all have it to some degree! This is what motivates us to move forward completing our destinies here so we may return to the 5th - 7th dimension. Just a hypothesis, but maybe we go to the 3rd dimension to build up steam and then make the jump to 7th dimension or beyond? The further you stretch the rubber band the further it flys!
I still revel at the power hormones have! The "T" is a strong stimulent or agitator if you will. I certainly do not relish its effects although I do respect the gift it is in this world. I can see I am here to balance these energies, the Masculine and Feminine. Both are incredible gifts!
It is much easier to feel arogent with testosterone on board and it is much easier to feel bliss with estrogen. Since my transition the best part is feeling more and deeper. My senses are hightened to the point of "wow", "Ahhh", I feel alive! Be this, I have been alive for going on 4 yrs! LOL. And it just keeps getting better ;-)
11-13-2011 10:11:02 PM MST
It has been two weeks now and I am still on the same regime. My sexual function has returned, although fortunately it has never been all that strong. Now it is very week, so I can tolerate it till such a time as I can have surgery. It is better than the dehydration I dealt with before. I feel more energetic as well, so that is good.
Today I had a realization while shopping. My doubt about whether I should have surgery has resided. I can see clearly now that I am a woman and always have been. My behavior in the past did not even hide it all that well. It sure is nice that I no longer have to hide my feelings. When I get my surgery, I am ready. I feel feminine whether I have estrogen or testosterone flowing in my body. This last test makes this very clear to me now. This is who I am, It feels so natural and at Peace. I could die tomorrow and feel completely happy about the success I have in my life right now. It has been a long road and much of it was in a fog, but it was all worthwhile. Having this tall male body does at least one thing for me, I feel very safe! With Love and Peace guiding my way now, life is indeed looking very good!
11-01-2011 2:18:11 PM MST
Just a short note to update my hormone status. I have stopped Spironolactone completely now and only take Finasteride 5mg and 4mg estradiol daily. I feel much better and suspect my dosage was too high which made me sluggish and apathetic. My outlook is much brighter now, although I still feel some trepidation about the future. I put on a happy face as best I can, and that is indeed the truth, although there are moments... let me just say this journey is not for the light hearted! I am constantly amazed by the many Transgender individuals I meet. I feel you! I Love You ;-)
10-21-2011 4:00:34 PM MST
I must share some thoughts which have filled my mind lately. I am Love and I Love everyone in my life, but it is different than Partner Love, their is only one who has my Heart and always will. Juanita is my soulmate! I miss her dearly, especially in these hard times. We have both been through some tough times and we still talk every other day or so. The connection has remained strong, even through the hardest of times. I made my choice and I am living with it. Us being together in this lifetime was not meant to be. I know we will be together again and I will continue to Love her unconditionally. She has done a great job of doing this very thing with me. I feel her Love and I am so grateful!!
Thinking back over my life I have my top three all time HIGHS and two of those where with her (my ex wife Juanita), our Honeymoon Cruise, Our Vacation to the Mediterranean including the cruise watching the moon rise over Capri, and the last was a family vacation we(my Birth family) took out west when I was 11. I guess I enjoy big travel adventures and I had over 10yrs like that with Juanita, our life was Heaven on Earth! Of course that is just the top three, I have plenty of awesome joyful memories. Not all of them are with her, but I will not go into all of them. The date with Michael in CA last year was a prayer come true, which puts it up there in the top ten. It is hard to explain but I feel safe with these people, at home so to speak. For me there is nothing more important than feeling safe, comfortable and loved! Mom and Dad of course do just that, and my GrandMother, Aunt Lydia and Uncle Arnold did too. I have lived a Blessed Life, thank you dear Lord.
Part of me wants to stop the hormones and just live my life as I am, continuing to live as a woman which I am most comfortable with. I vasilate between feeling "girly" and "butch". Sometime I like wearing sweats and a t-shirt, but mostly I like wearing more femme clothes. I am not opposed to wearing "guy" clothes, but prefer not to. I also like my hair long whether seen as a guy or a girl. Having breasts seems right to me, and the penis is just there, like a mole is there. I remain indifferent to it. Not likely I will have money to have surgery and I am ok with that. I am a Male Woman! My life has been about discovering one question, "What does it mean to be a male woman"?
10-20-2011 9:17:55 PM MST
My empathetic and psychic connections are growing as I feel the pain the world is expressing. Your pain is my pain! There is much confusion and distrust in the world now as people realize they have been lied to by the very people they trusted. Everything is being questioned. I too can relate with this as I no longer can tolerate the games I see every day. The abomination must end! The message is clear... things are changing drastically. What the result will be is not clear. I do my best to stay focused on my desires, but even they have faded away lately. I simply desire it all to end. But then I know that endings are beginnings, and I don't want that, so... maybe what I desire is silence. No^where and no^thing.
Gender dysphoria... it is not something I feel, what I feel is different. I am very happy being me. My dysphoria is with this limited life. I am so much more than this puny body and my insignificant life. Nothing I have done so far has relieved this feeling. I think it is a process that involves the entire Universe and I am a single cell observing a transformation. The connection is strong. The Love is coming through loud and clear. It is not from any one, or anything, but from the All. I feel it from source, it is telling me all is OK, I am Loved. Quiet your thoughts dear one! Surrender to the change... Trust that all is well... Be grateful for all you have, all that you are, and all that you are to become! AMEN
10-13-2011 10:31:41 AM MST
It is with a sad heart that I share the news of the passing of a dear friend, Miranda Jean Henke. I have not felt this much grief since the passing of my Mother four years ago. In fact it is almost more severe because Mom's passing was a relief and took her to a better place. Miranda was finally reaching a place of peace in this world and shared so much with so many! Her death is both a shock and a tragedy! I miss her already and will always remember her with the fondest of hearts.
She was supposed to be at the Gender Identity Center board meeting last night and when she was late, Elizabeth (Beth) called her to find out she had overslept. She said she would be down in 45mins, and since she lived way up in the Mtns (Conifer) she was no doubt in a hurry when she lost control and crashed off the road into a cabin, which then collapsed on top of her truck and crushed her. A violent death to be sure. A tragedy for all who knew her! I Love you Miranda.
In his book, "At Home With God, In a life that never ends," Neale Donald Walsch explains that death is an illusion which occurs for a reason. He says we decide when, where and how we die (this is not usually a conscious decision). No one dies in vain, and each person who needs the gift of this experience will have it. It touches you at the degree to which your life touched the person who passed! The more it hurts the greater the gift, both for them and for you.
Suffice it to say that Miranda touched me deeply with a Love and Caring I will treasure always and in all ways. Blessings Miranda on your Journey of Love... till we meet again. Loving HUGS ♥♥♥ Sequoia Elisabeth
09-29-2011 3:41:57 PM MST
It is time I updated my Journal. I am now working as a volunteer at the Gender Identity Center of Colorado in several capacities. First of all I am there all day on Monday’s at the front desk. I do secretarial activities and also provide support to visitors who come by. Since they no longer have a Monday night support group, I am there at the desk to provide this as needed. I also lead the Tuesday night Transitions Groups twice a month. This group is for those who are serious about transition and need specific help. The next job I have is Secretary to the Board. This means I attend all Board Meetings, take notes, and am responsible for writing up any documents. The last and biggest job is that of Communications Team Leader. It is my responsibility to edit the G.I.C. Quarterly, The Monthly Update, and any and all news bulletins. I help with Facebook and edit the website as best I can. There are two others who help with the website. It has been fun updating the content on the GICofColo.org website. This activity falls right in line with what I do here on my own Ministry site. I suppose I will need to find a paying job at some point, but for now I am happy. I still hold hopes for a worldwide economic overhaul. My focus now is on manifesting what I need without money. Things are going well on that front. I still need 4K for the Orchiectomy surgery. Otherwise, I have what I need, a place to stay, food, transportation by bus or bike, and clothes to keep me warm. The friends I have made these past few years are a treasure! I hope I have been a good friend also. Each day defines me more and more, the actions I take or do not take. I am at Peace!
09-22-2011 9:13:18 PM MST
I know there is one infinite loving universal intelligence and it is all there is.
Since it is all there is I must be a part of that oneness, which makes me perfect, whole and complete.
My abundance is constant and ever flowing as is my wisdom and vibrant health. Peace, and loving relationships come easy for me as they are the natural flow of life. I am expressing divine feminine in all that I do, while still honoring the masculinity from which I spring. Right-mindedness is my nature and natural way. Creative self-expression is another way in which I enrich the world around me. My understanding is that all that comes my way is here to deepen my understanding and enjoyment of the world, so I step forward each day with Love and hopeful anticipation. I am Woman, Perfect, Whole and Complete!
Anything that appears to be contrary to this is false and I allow it to fall away naturally. I go with the flow….
Because the greater truth about me is that I am woman - sexy, loving, vibrant, accepting and understanding, I rest in gratitude. When I speak my feminine voice is heard!
For this awesome truth I give thanks in this knowing.
I now release these words that they may resonate through the cosmos and do their good and effective work!
So Be It and so it is.
08-31-2011 2:23:22 PM MST
491 days left till 1/1/2013, This is the day I have chosen to leave this earth plane. It could be earlier, and I am ready anytime. I have served by purpose here on earth. Life will go on and is now headed in the right direction. I have seen some incredible changes for the positive in my life and expect some more off the scale positive changes to come.
The economy is hinting at a shift toward true freedom, and is still in purge mode. We must empty our cups before they may be filled with something new. Soon the world will embrace the possibility of a Resource based economy that serves everone on earth equally. It may take a few decades to impliment but it will happen and life here will be very different. Suffering, and misery will be gone forever! Pain serves its purpose and is a good thing, so it will continue to serve. Goodness, respect, and accountablity will be the norm and come easily to all who live in this world. My Love for you runs so deep, it hurts sometimes to see you resisting these wonderful changes ahead! All good things in good time ;-)
08-29-2011 10:42:08 AM MST
My favorite memories of my childhood were the vacation trips we took out west. I remember the excitement of new discovery and the feeling of freedom. Two of human's most treasured feelings! I still relish these experiences and find them in new ways. The most prevelent is transitioning from man to woman. Notice I did not use male or female. I have male organs, but my heart is female. My mind is a combination of both! Male woman seems to describe me best. I am happy with this for now.
The Transitions Blog today discusses transition and what it is. I had the after thought that I am male with a feminine perspective, but this does not quite capture the vastness of how I feel. I feel like a Thirty foot tall Goddess and seek this in my God. Who will be the God to stand beside me, support me, honor me, and Love me? Do I have to do everything myself? LOL Of course I do, who else is there? God is all there is!
I am so grateful for the Blessed Life I have lived... I have indeed been given the Kingdom!!! I fall upon my knees weeping with Joy and Gratitude...
I LOVE THEE!!!
On a more materialistic viewpoint I make an appeal to the Universe, and those who bless its space. Please help me complete my journey! I need $4k to get an orchiectomy or if possible $25K to have SRS. I realize that I will still be me regardless of surgery, but the point is about the experience. If Jesus can die and be resurrected, surely I can transition from Male to Female. I can see my body changing at the genetic level, shifting the chromosomes, the cells are re-aligning in female form!!!
What is done is done, however a new path may be embarked on and this is the way I am going.... On to the Divine Feminine! I am that which I desire.
08-19-2011 10:25:23 AM MST
499 days left till Jan. 1 2013. This is the day I have chosen to leave. This of course is open to change. I find myself feeling drawn to a certain person I met several months ago upon my return to the Denver area last May. Our stars are aligned and I proceed with caution, not that I am afraid of being hurt, but more afraid of hurting others. I have done a good job of that in the past :-( It is my goal to Love and Be Loved! Any pain I know is associated with ego. My Spirit has grown from all my intimate relationships of the past, all 5 of them, LOL. One more would make six which is a significant number for me.
Your Destiny / Expression number is Six (6)
Positive Traits: The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community. The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.
Negative Traits: There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.
May Great Spirit guide me and all others in my life to our Highest and Best Good. I love You♥♥♥
08-13-2011 12:13:57 PM MST
After some meditation and inner searching I have made a decision (come to the realization). I have 505 days left! Could be less... it is all Good. I have done extensive research into the earth changes taking place right now and I feel it at my core! I love the quote from Star Trek and the Borg, 'Lower your shields and surrender. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. You will adapt to service us. Resistance is Futile; You will be assimilated!' Not a direct quote but you get the point, Right?
I have achieved what I came to do and most of all I am the observer. The Human experiment has gone well. I see a great future for mankind. The role I play is to stay positive during this time of transition and hold the frequency! The world is literally being turned upside down in this momentous shift to a higher plane. Human Consciousness as a whole is evolving and it is truly a beautiful thing. I am so grateful to have been a part of it! This land of free will stands as a pinacle among worlds of the Universe. Love still rules here and thank God!!!
My guide to life, death and dying has come in many forms, although the Book "Home with God: In a Life That Never Ends" by Neale Donald Walsch remains my favorite and most valued source on this subject. To me death is as simple as water changing forms to steam. Or a sand castle being washed out to sea. Pain comes from resisting change! I surrender to Universal flow - trust in Divine process - and I am grateful for all I have, continue to and will experience!
08-11-2011 7:59:42 AM MST
Latest update, I have applied at several hospitals in the Denver area with no results and a few rejections so far. I have also applied with a Healthcare Staffing agency and have not heard from them yet, which is not a good sign. It is looking like that old life is over and is no longer available to me. I really enjoyed doing MRI and even X-ray, if this is my path from this point forward then may the doors open soon, so we can get on with it. I feel a deep need to have surgery so I can get off the anti-androgens. We only have 11 weeks left, so each day defines us. I give my life to Holy Spirit so the Highest and Best Good manifest.
Western medicine is good at acute care, beyond that it falls short. Eastern medicine is the next step and will heal most ailments. Herbal and alternative healing methods are next and do a good job of balancing health. Energetic medicine is the ultimate healing method and should accompany other methods. We are energetic beings, thus we must heal at this level for it to last. Finally we come to the realization that we are perfect beings of light and all dis-eases are illusions of the mind. They are Maya, resistance to what is. As we make ourselves wrong, ill, or other than our true selves - ripples are set in motion and felt in the form of pain, discomfort, and illness.
I have stumbled on my path, the pain is felt in my left ankle, my colon, pelvic areas, and shoulders. Muscle cramps denote resistance to moving forward and a fear of the unknown. Father - Mother - God show me the way, release me and remove all illusions. I let go and let God...