08-29-2010 8:53:04 AM MST
"Tranny Chasers" are people who are sexually attracted to transgendered people. Synonyms include transfans or tranny chaser, trans catcher, and tranny hawk. Many members of the transgender community (particularly in the MTF population) use "tranny chaser" in a pejorative sense, because they consider it a fetish-like attraction to the penis of a pre-operative or non-operative transwoman. Although many western transwomen think that transfans are only after pre-ops for quick sexual relationship, there are also a high number of individuals who have a strong attraction towards post-op transsexuals & pre-op transsexuals who are aiming for sex reassignment surgery. Those people can probably be best described as pansexuals. They are generally looking for a serious relationship with a transsexual woman, this is not just a simple fetish for them. Source, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transfan .
I am a transsexual woman who is not interested in sex as a male, most transsexuals are not. Women want to be penetrated by their partner, and men want to do the penetrating. Bisexuals, I prefer the term Pansexuals, enjoy both. Please see the TransTerminology page on this website under Gender Learning Center. It is possible to "penetrate" a woman without actually having intercourse. I refrain from describing this here since this is a PG rated website, at least in my mind it is. Sex needs to be discussed so that everyone is on the same page and so that it is understood that sex is something to be celebrated, not hidden. It is also only one fraction of the total package of who we are. To me Love is far more important, sex is simply one way to express Love. Physical contact and affection are important to the mental health of human beings. We want and need to touch each other. This can be sexual or not, either way it triggers endorphines that give the feelings of pleasure, contentment, and Love.
I DESIRE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFAN WHO CAN BEST BE DESCRIBED AS PANSEXUAL.
08-23-2010 1:47:48 PM MST
Everything is going as planned! Life is Good, and VERY GOOD. Money is appearing when I need it and even before sometimes. I have met a lovely man and we are "dating" by phone now, getting to know each other and planning our first meeting. He is going to fly out and spend a long weekend with me. I am so excited about this! I see beautiful things happening for us and a future together of Joy and fulfillment. The thought of having someone hold me and love me as I have dreamed about for so long...it is hard to put my feelings in words. Love is all I need say. My experience of Love is not the same as yours maybe, but it certainly is fantastic in my view point! I have always been the caring, cuddling type person and now I can do it from the perspective that feels best to me. My size is no longer an issue, and my body is very feminine now which feels so "right" to me. I love being the woman and all that it entails. Thank you Lord for making me just the way I am. :-)
08-16-2010 10:49:15 PM MST
Been watching the "Dead like me" series on Hulu. It has me thinking about life and laughing at myself. At times I can see the veils that have pulled over our eyes and at other times, I can see nothing. My life has deep meaning on one side of the coin and none at all on the other. I would toss the coin to see what pops up, but I know that what ever will be will be so it really does not matter. The sun will come up in the morning, I will wake up and life will go on! OR NOT.
On a less introspective level, my life is going well. I study, I write, I read, I tutor, I smile, I cry, I eat, I listen to awesome songs while staring off into oblivion. Yes, I am still being introspective, can't help it, it seems to be one of my biggest habits. I am indeed Blessed
08-09-2010 9:45:53 PM MST
Much has changed in the last few weeks. I have several projects in the works and have been very busy. My new eBook, Sex and Sexuality is coming along great and should be ready to release in the next few weeks. I have also decided that Photography is one of my passions and I need to give it more attention. People tell me that I am good at it, so I am constructing a new photowebsite. I will release this info this weekend. I continue to tudor and enjoy that very much. It would be great to have more clients. School is going great and at this point I will be graduating in Jan. '11.
I would like to share my experience with an online dating service, OkCupid.com. After taking an online survey on transgenderism, the site redirected me to OKCupid and asked me to sign up, so I did. The website is free and offers quality leads. The way the site is constructed it is easy to see if the person is interesting or not, and they have questions about your personality and likes, etc. which the site uses to build a profile of you. Anyway it seems to work although the details remain to be tested. I have met a wonderful man who I talk to daily now and very much anticipate our first meeting in the next few weeks. He has a beautiful smile, is honest, caring, loving and supportive! The best part is he is as excited about me as I am about him! I am not making this common knowledge yet because we have yet to meet in person. My gut feeling is ... he is the One. Please send us your loving support, not that we need it. I am just so excited...
07-25-2010 1:00:12 PM MST
After seeing the movie "Inception" I have been reflecting on the meaning of life. I do that a lot anyway, LOL. My experience with dreams is simply that dreams are where we create the life we live. Whether this life is a dream or illusion as I teach and have been taught is hard to say. I can't help but wonder though if I committed suicide would I awaken or would I be trapped in purgatory? At the present time I am leaning toward the purgatory idea and in fact that could be where I am right now. I think that we experience whatever it is that we believe to be so. I certainly can see a lot of repeating themes in my life. I will not go into the details but I assure you that I see that life is a habit so to speak. An associate I worked with a long time ago described it as echoes. The people we meet and call friend or family are echoes from the subconscious mind which is the aspect of mind that creates everything in your life. Another way to view this is archetypically. This is another reason I really liked "Inception". I am starting to get an idea of how life is constructed. It is much like throwing a brick in a pond, once the ripples reach the edge they bounce back and begin crossing over ripples going out and this nullifies the outward ripples that are aligned opposite, if for some reason the ripples do not line up then they cross over each other and morph into other ripples at the center. After a long time the ripples subside until another brick is thrown into the pond. I am about to throw another brick into the pond of my life very soon. I am having SRS/GRS surgery which will change the course of my journey. Whether this is putting me back on track or simply changing directions, well no one can honestly say. I do feel like this is the direction I need to take and was intended to take many years ago. May Holy Spirit bless me on my journey and guide my steps. I surrender unto you my Lord and trust that the Highest Good is served. For this I am deeply grateful ;-)
07-21-2010 1:30:47 PM MST
Been feeling really down these past few days. My testosterone level is higher than it should be but I am taking as much Spironolactone as I dare take for now. I need surgery to remedy the situation. I prefer SRS/GRS but will accept orchiectomy. I could be supplementing my hormone regimen with some Estrofem but the finances just will not handle that since I choose to invest in my commitment to surgery. I am tutoring some now but hardly enough to call it income. I need to finish up my eBook, and have been working on it some lately. I am feeling good about that at least.
I have been attempting the online dating scene, but am only getting more frustrated. I met a wonderful man named Cecil and as usual he does not live anywhere near me. The chances of actually meeting him in person are slim. I don't know why I even bother. I am also feeling my time here in Colorado is coming to an end, or maybe it is my time on earth. Time will tell!
07-10-2010 12:52:51 PM MST
Last night I went to a Birthday celebration for Aron who is the son of my best friend Kriss. The party was at a country bar about a mile or two from the house here. It is your typical country bar with line dancing and a live band. The music was pretty good for country music and not too loud. I had a good time although I was a bit withdrawn. Just before we were to leave a nice man came over to me and asked me to dance, the first all evening. He had to bargain with me and he must of asked me a dozen times over and over. Finally I agreed and took to the dance floor with him. I know nothing of how to country dance and I am sure I amused several of the other patrons there that night. David, the couragous young man who asked me to dance, lead me very well and I even learned a few dance steps. It was fun, although I am not going to rush out and do that again this was a first for me. I have never danced country before and I have never danced with a guy either. I am not sure what he was thinking but hopefully he enjoyed the dance too. I must also add that he was indeed a great dancer with many smooth moves, thank you David.
07-08-2010 12:42:27 PM MST
July has arrived and things are going well. I am getting more tutoring jobs which is really what I want to be doing now anyway. I am working on my new eBook, "Sex and Sexuality". I just need to figure out a way to put my heart into the book. The message I offer is not new but it is very important and I feel like it is the keynote to my life's journey. It will not be your typical book on sex but instead it provides a new perspective on sex and sexuality. If you are familiar with my website you will have some idea where I am coming from.
School is going well. We have a week and a half left of Technology in Education and then we move on to Assessment and Evaluation in AET. I must admit that I am happy with the direction my life is taking. Teaching and coaching are two things that I really enjoy doing. I feel that I am good at both, but my experience would say differently. In my heart I know that I am exactly where I need to be at this moment.
I can feel the surgery date getting closer each and every day. My life depends on it. I pray that I have surgery as soon as possible, preferably Feb. 2011. My temporary date is June 7th of '11. I hear that Marci Bowers is moving to San Francisco so I will have to travel which I did not want to fly, but I will take it all in stride. I am simply grateful to have the surgery.
The surgery will not change who I am, but it will align who I am with the physical plane. The feeling of having estrogen flowing through my body is wonderful. I am so grateful to mostly be rid of testosterone. After the surgery my world will be "right as rain" to quote the Matrix movie.
Something within me feels the end is near. I love endings because they lead to beginnings.
06-29-2010 10:44:27 AM MST
What a great month this has been! There is so much to tell you about. On friday the 18th I attended a picnic sponsored by TransAction and it turned out to be great fun! I love visiting with others of like mind. The food was good and the company was excellent. That weekend was Pridefest in Denver and I worked the PFLAG coalition booth. We just handed out information about PFLAG and offered our services. I met some more awesome people and had a good time. On sunday was the parade and I decided to walk with PFLAG because I really resonate with their message of support for Parents, Friends and Family of GLBT. The organization has everyone included! During the parade I carried a large Transgender Flag which is white, purple and pink stripes. After the parade I socialized with friends and wondered around taking in all the sights. I got a small blister from the parade so I went home in the early afternoon, but not before stopping into the Mile-Hi booth to say hello to my friends there. I love the fact that Denver is full of loving and accepting people of diversity!! On Monday I joined TransAction again for a fun event. We attended Elitches which is like Six-Flags and has awesome rides, a wave pool and lots of fun activities. I ran around in my one piece bathing suit and had a wet and wonderful time. On Wed. I attended a discussion on James Twyman's new book Barn Dance and got to visit briefly with James. Then on Thursday the 24th Ken and Kriss took me out for a birthday dinner at Cinzzetti's Italian Buffet. The food was outta this world delicious and all you can eat for only $14. It was like going to Las Vegas or something, every type of Italian food imaginable. I am indeed Blessed ;-)
Each and every day my life gets better and better! I am deeply grateful and humbled by all the abundance!
06-15-2010 2:18:41 PM MST
I just took a bold action, at least for me. After 31 years I registered with my high school alumni association. I am totally out now. Often I wonder what my life would be like now if I had come out back then. I know this is pointless but there is some force that drags these thoughts out of the dungeon of my mind. Maybe I am free now. I doubt I would have been able to play on the womans basketball team, LOL. I know that High School was simply a stop along the road to "my life". I also know that I did not have the courage nor the skills to handle coming out at that time. Being transsexual means that I am one in approx. 2500 people. That is a very rough figure but it is close. I certainly am not one in a million, LOL. The funny thing is that on some level I have known that I am a woman in a male frame since puberty, but I am still trying to figure out my sexual orientation. I find myself attracted to men now that I am on estrogen and I am especially attracted to crossdressers and feminine men. This includes gay men, but since they are looking for a guy this will not work for me. Bisexual men are a good choice and so are bisexual women ;-) For now I just Love as a soul and as far as intimacy goes, well I will find that when I am ready. It has been so long since I held anyones nude body next to mine, I think I remember what it is like.... So often we take these things for granted until we no longer have them. I sit here in deep gratitude for those who have loved me on the long path I call the journey of love. I know that there will be others and I cannot imagine living my life in celibacy. I am trying not to limit myself to after SRS but that is the way it is looking at this point. Which means next year some time.
Have you ever driven someone else's car? Being transsexual is sort of like that.
06-06-2010 10:19:13 AM MST
Last night I experienced a profound realization. I cannot help anyone emotionally, nor can I prevent them from experiencing pain. It is not my place to do this. Once they have made the decision to experience something it is their priveledge and honor to do so how ever they choose. I must honor their decision. All that I can do is offer my love, support and understanding.
I am afraid I did not do a very good job of that last night and I have mixed feeling about the whole thing. I so much wanted to give my friend a hug, but felt pushed away at the same time, like I was not welcome. I felt angry that I was powerless to assist. Being sucked into a persons illusion just to make them feel better is no solution anyway. I did what felt best to me and that was leave. I do not have to participate in negative creations and so I will not.
I make no apology for leaving this situation. I choose to live my life as joyously as I can and the less energy I offer to negative creations the better. Please forgive me, I am sorry, I love you, Thank you!!!
06-04-2010 5:24:13 PM MST
A few thoughts here on the friday evening. A life is not lived unless it is shared with someone. Do you remember the movie Castaway with Tom Hanks? I sometimes feel like him, stranded on an island called earth. Of course I can create an avatar to keep me company and I can talk to the dog. What I have not figured out yet is what to do about my longing to snuggle close to a warm body who will return my affections. I guess I am too picky, but not just anybody will do. I am trying to be more open and to look for opportunities that feel right. When I find them, I will act on them. Loneliness is a state of mind. I think I will go turn on the TV so I won't feel lonely.
The funny part is most people who do have someone to snuggle with every night, to chat with when they get lonely and someone to share your deepest feelings with, don't even appreciate them. I know that when I did have this priviledge I was grateful most of the time. But then no one is perfect. Maybe it is that I just don't know what I want...nahhh, I know the possibilities are endless. So I will relax and go with the flow. Things always work out. I will continue to dream!
05-27-2010 10:08:59 AM MST
Each and every day I move toward my goals! I am making great progress ;-) I have seen my therapist this week and she feels I am right on track. I love how supportive she is. Last week I saw my psychologist and he wrote a letter for me to send to the Jim Collins Foundation with whom I applied for an SRS/GRS grant. Toward this end I sent my $500 deposit to Dr. Marci Bowers to have my surgery scheduled. I have a reciept for the payment and am waiting to her from Marci personally to set a date.
Two weeks ago I had 90 mins of electrolysis and wow! Not sure what was different from the previous sessions in TN and CA, but it has taken me two weeks to recover. By far the most challenging aspect of the transition so far. Listen up ladies, do electrolysis FIRST and get this out of the way. You can do it even before you go full time or even come out! I so wish I had done it the many times I considered it over the last 15 years. I trust that all things work out for the best so I now release any anger I hold against myself. Forgiveness is a doorway and I step through.
I feel great emotionally and physically. The Spironolactone is working wonderful and I take a stool softener to help keep regular. This is something that is not often spoken of, but the Spiro is a diuretic and dehydrates your body which means that urination is frequent, constipation a challenge, and dry skin worsened. I use lotion daily on my skin as any woman does. Estrogen dries out the skin also. I love the softness of my skin now, so it is well worth any effort involved.
This about does it for now. Life is Good and Very GOOD ;-)
05-12-2010 2:09:46 PM MST
Here is an update since being paid. I got my new phone which I am happy with. I switched to cricket from verizon and the service I get is about as good as verizon only much less expensive. I also treated myself to a haircut, manicure and pedicure. The haircut was way over due and I am so glad I did, my hair looks much better. I also went shopping and picked up a few more outfits, a brown leather backpack purse and two new pairs of flip flops. Besides paying all my bills including my credit card I upgraded my computer subscriptions and my website is paid for the next three years! I am very happy about this.
I went to see a new PhD about my transition and gender identity issues, of which I feel are fairly straight forward. I am a woman, I am living as a woman, I look like a woman, so having the sexual function of a woman only makes sense. If I could have a baby I would do that too, but I can't so I support the lovely women who do have children. Thinking back over my life, I can clearly see the signs that I am a woman. I have never enjoyed doing guy things, although I was very adventurous it was nothing more than any other tomboy would do. As much as my father tried to get me to fix cars, work on engines and fly planes, they did not interest me. I enjoyed the womanly things my mom did, although again she did non-traditional activities such as sailing, piloting, jewelry making, clock repair and photography. I enjoyed all those things except the piloting (riding in the plane is fun). The physical things that showed me I am a woman are I have always had breasts except during my basketball years, my features are large but delicate (like my moms) and have had three surgeries in my groin area for various reasons. I still wonder if I was intersex, but cannot find surgical records. I am leaving that be and just moving on with what I have. I identify as woman!
05-01-2010 8:26:29 AM MST
Life has been very good to me. My plan is unfolding perfectly. I just got paid yesterday, twice what I thought I would receive, so I paid all my bills and will be getting a new phone in the next few days. I even paid off my credit card for the first time in almost two years, now that feels good! I am so grateful for all my gifts!
I have an appointment with a new PhD on Wed. to do my evaluation for surgery letter. The diagnosis of GID is fine with me as long as it means I get to have my SRS. I am not upset about my genitals, I just know that they are not right for me and need to be changed. I have never been comfortable using them and only really mastered their use a few times with my ex. Life is a funny ride and I enjoy it more all the time.
I will be getting some electrolysis done in the next few weeks also. I will wait to see how the money goes and then see if I can get some work done. Counseling is my first goal to complete and then we can work on my face. I will also be getting my hair done. It will be time for new nails next week also. I love being a woman and the gift of beauty I am able to share.
One more week of Statistics class and I am praying for an A. I graduate in 8mos! I have so much work to do, but it is worth it. This degree will open a lot of doors!
04-26-2010 9:03:39 AM MST
It is not coincidental that I recieved this link in my email today. Right after posting my vision board. I had seen clips of this movie, but not the whole thing, so Thank you Dora for sharing with me!! I am now passing it along to my friends here at Unity in Gender Diversity. http://www.logotv.com/video/trinidad/1634503/playlist.jhtml
Please let me know how you like it. I met Marci Bowers at Gold Rush on Feb. 27th and I am impressed with her commitment to excellence and her authenticity. She is the kind of person I want doing my surgery. I guess I am impressed that she is sharing her dream with us and I am thrilled to be a part of it.
04-25-2010 10:55:04 AM MST
Here is my Vision for the Now. I am on the path and I can see up ahead. All is well ;-)
I am woman, perfectly whole and complete expressing divine feminine in physical form...
04-22-2010 2:01:40 PM MST
An update as to changes on the this website. I just added a website satisfaction survey to gather data in determining what my next step will be with the site. I plan on updating the videos as soon as I get my hair done and can prepare. I am attempting to make the videos as professional as possible. I have been thinking of doing a power point presentation on gender and would love some feed back as to important subjects to cover. Gauging from the survey self acceptance may be the best subject to cover. I talk about this frequently in my "Transitions Blog". With school right now I am struggling to keep up with adding to the website. I have several ideas which I am working on and will be making those changes as time permits. Personally, I am doing well. Money is starting to flow in and I am right on track to have surgery (GRS) within the next year. I am getting my hair done next week and seeing a new PhD the first of May who will be helping with a second surgery letter. Life is good! I will continue to tudor and build my skills in education. I love to hear from friends so please drop me a line and share your thoughts with me. I am on Facebook now quite often, just search Sequoia Elisabeth Carpenter. I also have a group there called, Transitions for Unity in Gender Diversity. Please join if you like. I will sign off for now, Blessings ;-)
04-17-2010 2:26:45 PM MST
I feel the need to explain to those who may have known me before I transitioned that I am still basically the same person. My gender has changed, my appearance has changed and hopefully I am becoming a better, more open, more understanding, more compassionate, and more loving person. So while you will need to get used to a new look, it will not be that difficult unless you are the type who judges a book by its cover. This is an opportunity for us all to get to know each other better and to grow spiritually.
It is my belief that consciousness is growing regardless of what we as humans do. Our function is to be a vehicle for that consciousness. So what is this consciousness? It is all there is, infinite universal mind which many people call God, but this label limits the immenseness of it. God has become limited and no longer is adequate to describe this Universal Divine Consciousness that makes up all that exists. As this consciousness expands so do the possibilities that exist for the human race. As big as this all seems and it can be overwhelming for our human minds, the answers lie within our own minds at a very personal level. Our choices are what determine the course of the Universe, so I hope you have your towel and are ready to hitch a ride. (comical reference to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)
Getting back to my personal journey, I have made choices that I felt necessary for my own survival and unless you have felt the inner turmoil of being transgender you have no idea the battle that I have fought. I am fighting no longer and have given in to my inner self. I like to think of myself as water, taking the path of least resistance and yet being resilient and flexible on the journey. Water has great power, and yet supports life. I feel like I am nearing the end of my physical transformation which normally takes about 3 yrs on hormones (been 2 for me) for most male to female transsexuals. The final and most wonderful step is GRS (genital reassignment surgery) which I plan on having sometime in the next year. Anyone wanting to help finance this surgery I am very grateful, please email me directly. I still need to have some electrolysis also, and have finished about half of that. My body is very feminine now with the curves where they need to be, a size C bust and long flowing hair. My skin is soft and my face is rounding nicely thanks to the hormones. Divine Feminine is shining through me now and I feel GREAT!
I would like to thank those of you who have supported me through this journey! While it is never over, I have made a giant leap. Please read the articles on this website that explain transsexualism and what is gender. If you have questions then please ask! I love to chat. I am open to any comments you have to share. I feel so much Love now; I wish I could properly demonstrate this to you. I bless you on your journey of Love!
04-11-2010 9:39:56 AM MST
"In Memory—With great sadness we announce that Carol Byers took her own life last week. Those ministers and church friends who had spoken to her recently had no indication that this might happen. She had just had her neck brace removed, and was learning how to swallow in hopes of having a feeding tube removed. (In December she had extensive spinal surgery following an automobile accident.) We are shocked as well as sad, and extend our condolences to her family, friends and all who enjoyed Carol’s participation in both UU congregations in town as well as many artistic and civic organizations. We will list information about a service as soon as we receive it." Milazzo, Francie 2010, http://uuss.org/notes.pdf
This news touched me deeply. Although I only met Carol a few times back in 2007 when I lived in Sacramento, her life and her stories inspired me and made my early transition all that much easier. In fact all the wonderful souls I met in Sacramento made a big difference to me. I thank you and I think you know who you are! I made my "debut" there in Sacramento for the first time in public as "me". Looking back I really enjoyed those days, with the excitement and beautiful people I met along the way. Carol was one of those souls. She got her start here in Denver and had her surgery with Dr. Biber, way back in the day. She was a great photographer and artist as well as being very active in our community. I for one am grateful for her sacrafices during a time when most of us where merely dreams or tiny tots running around. Blessings Carol on your journey and thanks for all that you did this time around.
04-03-2010 9:25:57 PM MST
TOP 10 THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY!
1. Traveling to places I have never been before
2. Driving cross country
3. Cruise boats that are not too big, but just right, with decks high enough for me to stand
4. Connecting with a close friend, seeing them smile and hearing them laugh
5. Sharing Metaphysical principles with an appreciative person
6. Soft New Age, World or Native music, esp. Native American, Oriental, or Aboriginal.
7. Mind full Meditation
8. Quiet walks in Nature
9. Peaceful & Creative Photography session
10. Creative writing where my soul oozes out onto the page.
Not necessarily in this order. And notice that I do not say Happiness which is a surface emotion. Happiness balances sadness and cannot exist at the same time where as Joy is deeper and comes from the soul. Joy is like Peace and Love, they exist at all times, what changes is our awareness of them. They exist at all times because this is our connection to the Divine. My awareness of the Divine in all things grows daily!
03-30-2010 9:52:39 PM MST
This has been a great week, and I am looking forward to Easter, although I am not sure why. We have the GIC elections this weekend and I will be there for that. I will also be taking over facilitating the 2nd Monday open group sessions at the GIC. This is very exciting to me since it is something that I love to do and have been wanting to do for some time now. I feel like this is a great way for me to share my talents with people I love. What you give others, you ultimately give to yourself. My faith in the financial support I am getting continues to grow the more I focus on others the better I seem to do. I will continue to give of myself, do what I love and live my dreams! Now that I am "connected" to Spirit I have clarity about my path and feel great. I know this is what I am meant to do. The website, the books, the counseling, the facilitating, and the volunteering are all a part of my journey. I would love to have more feedback on my eBooks so that I can get a feel for how I am doing. I have sold a few eBooks but could have done much better, and I did not really market them all that agressively and I am afraid that I will have to get the book in front of more people before it is more widely accepted. My next book will be even better, although I need to do some serious work on it. I pray a good title comes to me soon! I will be doing a promo video for the new book this week. Angels, Spirits and helpers please guide me on the highest and best path to a beneficial book for everyone. My message is simple as it always is, Love is the way! The book is about Sex, Sexuality, and Gender Identity. A new era of human existance that is beyond the constrainst of this world, an era of oneness and connection.
03-24-2010 6:40:17 AM MST
This is what I Believe,
I believe that every person I meet is a good person.
I believe that abundance is my nature and that abundance exists everywhere for everyone when they choose that.
I believe that I have everything that I need, when I need it.
I believe that I am a woman, have always been a woman and that my body is changing to reflect that.
I believe that I am having GRS very soon and while that will not change who I am, it will make it easier to express who I am.
I believe that the world is ever expanding, improving, growing, supportive, and loving.
I believe that all change is for the better.
I believe that I have a lot to offer.
I believe that Love is the way.
03-19-2010 10:06:37 PM MST
Tonight I feel humbled to be alive in this time of global transition. My transition is only a small part of the larger scheme of things. Life here on earth is moving to the next level. Do you have any idea how profound that is? I am truly blown away by it all.
My path has never been clearer or my life more simple than it is today. I love the man I was, woman I am, and the Blessed Being of Light I am becoming. The sense of peace that I feel right now is beyond words. Somehow I know all is well, with me, with my loved ones, and with the whole world. I can see beyond the drama and I know the truth.
The movie I watched tonight, “Uncross the Stars”, took place in Arizona and I could not help feeling a deep yearning to return there. The desert has some healing aspect to it that I cannot explain, but that I feel whenever I am close to it. Colorado is close and I do love the western feel I get here, but it is nothing compared with the desert. When I finish my Masters Degree, it will be time to move on, and the desert will be at the top of possible places for me to go. Great Spirit speaks deeply to me there.
One of those places and times was sitting in a deserted amphitheatre looking up at the most stars I have ever seen in my life while a shooting star came down in a bright flash. In that magical moment, time did not exist and I was a part of it all. Thank you to that beautiful soul who shared that with me in Organ Pipe National Monument.
Now that I am thinking about it, these moments are not so few and far between. They have been coming fairly regular for the past 20 years after I woke up in the deserts of Arizona. I am so grateful to all the blessed people in my life since then. Thank you for Loving me! Thank you for the gift of you in my life!
03-15-2010 11:44:21 AM MST
Last night I watched the CNN documentary, “Her Name Was Steven” http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/10/her.name.was.steven/index.html The story of Susan Stanton’s transition journey was covered from childhood to present and was a very compelling story of transformation. I totally relate to the story being told, even the name Steven is the same. It was almost like they were telling my story, although there were some big differences. It was the gender identity questions and experiences that were similar. Interesting to see what happens when this sort of thing gets into the spotlight. I appreciated how Susan stayed true to her beliefs and did not get dragged into the mainstream. That is not easy and I give kudos to her for that. I am also pleased that she has found a job in Florida. I have no idea where life will take me next, but I am remaining open to Holy Spirit and her guidance.
I sent in my application for GRS Grant though the Jim Collins Foundation. Not sure how long it will be till I hear something back. I am proceeding with my plan to have surgery in the next year. I am using the money from school which I get next month for counseling and attaining my surgery letters. I will also have some electrolysis done and make a reservation with Marci Bowers. I am very excited!